ATTRIBUTES TO DEVELOP
Work in these areas can help uncover hidden gifts and talents
Trusting one’s impulses
Moderation in giving
TENDENCIES TO LEAVE BEHIND
Working to reduce the influence of these tendencies can help make life easier and more enjoyable
Seeing oneself through others’ eyes
Being Mr. or Ms. Nice
Obsessive attachment to fairness and justice
Co-dependence: attachment to external harmony
“Tit for tat” mentality
The Achilles’ heel Aries North Node people need to be aware of is a preoccupation with justice (“My survival is dependent on everyone playing fair with me”; this thought should signal that they are on shaky ground). These folks are very giving by nature, yet their need for justice and absolute fairness is a bottomless pit. They can start “playing fair” with themselves by not giving beyond a point that feels comfortable, even if they know that nothing will be reciprocated.
The trap that Aries North Node people need to avoid is an unending search for an ideal, committed partnership (“If only I can find the perfect partner, I’ll feel complete within myself”). The feeling of completeness they seek can only be achieved individually; it will not be the by-product of a relationship, no matter how wonderful the partner. The bottom line is that they’ll never gain enough approval from others to have permission to be themselves. At some point they must take the risk and pursue activities that are meaningful to themselves. The irony is that once Aries North Nodes go in their own direction, the appropriate people will be drawn into their life to support them.
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
What Aries North Node people really want is to experience happiness, harmony, fairness, and support with one partner whom they love. To achieve this, they need to be their own partner first. By getting to know themselves, they begin to do the things that bring them joy and increase their level of self-nurturing so they feel strong, confident, and supported. As they treat themselves more fairly, they will feel the sense of balance and justice they seek. Only at this point can they establish a healthy partnership wherein two individuals share equally with each other without feeling debilitated.
These people need to be able to “do their thing” according to their own impulses, without being limited by the input of others. They are the leaders, the innovators, the pioneers. They need a profession that allows them the independence to follow their own instincts. They are successful in professions that require initiative and independent action: as surgeons, technicians, or entrepreneurs, for example.
From past lives, they have the gift of being able to see the other person’s point of view and negotiate diplomatically to ensure fairness. They can use this innate ability to further their own success! However, in professions that emphasize mediating as a final goal, they are generally not as energized as when they use their negotiating talents to reach their own independent goals.
HEALING AFFIRMATIONS SPECIFIC TO ARIES NORTH NODE
“When I trust myself and follow my impulses, everyone wins.”
“Before I can support others, I have to learn how to nurture myself.”
“I can help others best by truly being myself.”
“It’s okay not to be nice all the time.”
“A sense of balance and strength comes from being fair with myself.”
Aries North Node people have had many past lives of supporting others, and they have a natural talent for it. In past incarnations they were housewives, secretaries, counselors, and assistants. They were the people “behind the scenes” who gave others energy and support. This made the others bigger and stronger, because the natives infused all their own identity, power, and positive energy in supporting them. Aries North Node people also have had a lot of “householder” lifetimes and are accustomed to merging their energy with those in their immediate environment.
To support others successfully, they developed tremendous awareness and sensitivity. Their tools were love, reassurance, gentle words of encouragement, and confidence that the other person would emerge victorious in any situation. Their focus was the other person; whenever they saw their partner lacking confidence or needing support, they stepped right in to help—these folks never have to be asked. They are sensitive to others’ needs and go out of their way to be accommodating. They have developed an incredibly loving and generous spirit. They are accustomed to giving, to being “a team player,” and to supporting others without thoughts of self.
Although they were very giving in past lives, they also had an ulterior motive: They were part of a team, and if their partner did well, it also ensured their own survival. By keeping the partner’s mood harmonious, Aries North Nodes ensured that the partner would be kindly disposed and generous toward them. So they gave up paying attention to their own needs in order to devote full attention to the partner—everything centered around keeping the partner strong and contented.
In past lives this system worked very well, but the present incarnation is not set up to work this way. In the process of supporting others, these folks extinguished their own identity. In this incarnation their destiny is now to get in touch with the strength and power of their own vibration. This is why every time they rely on a partner to come through for them without asking directly for help, they end up feeling disappointed. Actually, this is to their advantage, because depending on another prevents them from experiencing their ability to survive under their own power. So now when they sacrifice their own identity to make another strong, they lose—the rewards they expect don’t come back. It’s time to rediscover themselves.
LACK OF IDENTITY
Aries North Node people have spent so many incarnations supporting the identity of others that in this incarnation they have no sense of who they are. On an energetic level, they are missing the insulation of a sense of identity. When a baby is born, there’s a band in its aura called “identity,” and people in other nodal groups have this. It acts as a shield against the strong energy fields of others. Because of it, people can interact intensely without damaging one another.
For example, if Bill meets Sue on the street he may say: “Hello, Sue!” and have a tremendous amount of energy behind it. Sue responds in kind, they interact enthusiastically, and then they walk away without either having been changed. But if Bill meets an Aries North Node person and, with the same amount of energy, says: “Hello, Jim!” Jim is blown over! He feels overwhelmed by all that energy. Owing to the weakness of the “identity” band in Aries North Nodes’ aura, these natives are very sensitive to others and are easily affected by others’ moods and ideas, and they need to remember to do things to fortify their self-awareness.
These folks even tend to take on the identities of others. Generally, they pick up accents easily and unconsciously duplicate other people’s mannerisms, even if they are only around them for a short time. Harmony is so important to them that they try to be all things to all people. One byproduct of their receptivity to others is the tremendous love that is easily sparked within them. Since their own identity is weak, they readily feel a sense of oneness when they connect with others.
In this incarnation, Aries North Node people face the challenge of strengthening their sense of identity. Because they have no preconceived idea of “self,” they are open to discovering what is real and natural within themselves. It’s an innocent process. Their natural impulses validate their identity, and their identity is strengthened through their actions.
These folks need a lot of time alone to get to know themselves. They need a specific time each day when they can talk with themselves. Their first challenge is to find out who they are in their own right. Then they can learn how to maintain their boundaries with others. This process happens gradually. Self-discovery can’t be rushed, but Aries North Node people make progress when they resolve to pay more attention to themselves.
A LOVING SPIRIT
Aries North Node people have a tremendous amount of love stored up from past lives. They know about relationships, and they have received much appreciation and love in return for the help they have given others. Thus, they came into this incarnation feeling loved by others. All that love shines through them—and is passed on to almost everyone they meet.
They have an ability to see not just the rough edges in other people but the loving qualities too. They perceive who others really are, and then they celebrate that truth. In that state they feel totally high, because they are fully appreciating and celebrating the glory, strength, energy, light, and life in the other person—and it makes them feel incredibly loving! Their challenge in this life is to begin to see the same beauty in themselves.
Although these folks are open and loving, if others violate their space they become angry. Then, when their “not so loving” part begins to emerge, they feel guilty. Yet this dark side is part of the human experience. They are discovering themselves and learning to integrate both sides of their energy. Their loving energy becomes the backdrop for the personality and mood changes that happen to all of us. Their challenge is to remain centered in themselves.
Aries North Nodes’ motive of wanting to give is correct, but if they are trying to give when they feel drained, at best, they are only creating a superficial harmony. Every time they become too outwardly focused, appreciating others and not valuing themselves, the “demons within” emerge to bring them back in touch with themselves. They don’t want to be with people when their dark side is showing—it doesn’t reflect the supportive, loving person they feel they should be—so they tend to feel guilty and go off by themselves.
Actually, when the dark within them arises, it’s a good sign. It is the neglected part of themselves demanding attention. When they turn within and begin consciously loving themselves, noticing their own beauty and taking care of themselves, the demons melt away. Thus, Aries North Node people need to regularly take time to focus on themselves and see what they need to do to support themselves. Then they will be able to interact with others from a place of internal strength and harmony.
HYPERSENSITIVITY, HARMONY VERSUS SELF-SACRIFICE
Having spent many past incarnations being the support system for others, Aries North Node people developed a constant openness to others’ identities. They intentionally remained aware of the other person and could sense the slightest unhappiness or disharmony in that person’s mood. When they focused on keeping the partner’s mood happy, they shared in that mood and remained happy themselves.
Although this worked well in past lives, in this incarnation another person’s happiness is not enough to evoke true happiness in these folks. They don’t have enough personal identity left in their “battery” to hold the “charge” from the other person. To be deeply happy in this lifetime, they must focus on developing their own identity and recharging their own battery.
These folks tend to pacify others, saying whatever is necessary to keep the peace. When they do this, they think they’re being “nice” and serving others. But it’s only a temporary solution; it postpones a more permanent resolution that would promote a solid relationship based on the identity and integrity of both individuals.
Aries North Node people are so sensitive to the atmosphere surrounding others that they tend to make “maintaining a harmonious atmosphere” their focus in relationships. They do need harmony in their lives to feel content and happy, but they get into trouble when they allow their personal sense of balance to depend on another person. Then they feel they must manipulate the other person into staying harmonious with them: “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” They think that if they balance the other person by filling in where he or she lacks strength, that person should happily reciprocate. They can’t understand when others don’t “do their part” to keep the harmony going, and they often feel as though they’re the only ones doing their fair share. Maintaining harmony in the relationship can become a full-time job for them.
But it’s not set up to work that way in this lifetime. In fact, this habit can enslave both partners: The other person loses autonomy and becomes dependent on Aries North Node to produce harmony, and Aries North Node becomes bound to the role of providing the harmony, regardless of the personal cost. Sadly, because of this, relationships can become burdensome for these folks.
What does work for them is to pay attention to their relationship with themselves. What activities promote their own feelings of inner harmony? If their balance is “off,” what should they give to themselves in order to regain their inner harmony? These folks want to be Mr. or Ms. Nice, and nice people don’t upset other people. This “peace at any price” syndrome may lead to self-negation, which is a form of dishonesty. Their motive is one of love, but love without honesty leads to resentment.
Aries North Node people have spent so many incarnations helping others obtain their desires that they often equate “supporting others” with “doing what the other person wants.” So they sacrifice what they need to be happy in order to fill the other person’s needs. In this incarnation, they are learning to re-evaluate what “support” actually is. It is not supportive to give more than one has to give. These natives love the energy of giving to others, but if they give beyond the point of feeling comfortable, they are not really supporting the other person. If they continue to call on their inner reserves of energy, they wear out their “battery” and nobody wins. These folks must trust themselves. When they feel an inner resistance to giving, it is a signal to pull back and begin taking care of themselves.
It does not work for them to be unaware of their separate identity. When they feed energy into the forcefield of the relationship (rather than to the other person as a separate entity), they create only temporary harmony at best. This is because they are feeding energy into something that’s not really there. A relationship doesn’t “exist” in physical reality—it’s an energy connection between two people, and the energy constantly fluctuates as the two people have different experiences and changing moods.
When the relationship is harmonious, it is the result of both partners being strong and peaceful within themselves. Aries North Nodes lose when they try to constantly “prop the other person up” through manipulating the energy in the relationship. However, when they encourage independence and individuality in their relationships—dealing directly with the other person and supporting him or her in being strong and separate—they win, because the other person will give back in the same way, supporting Aries North Nodes’ independence and individuality.
PARTICIPATING VERSUS HIDING
Aries North Node people have such a history of being the “support person” that they are instinctively open to others’ moods. But in this incarnation, it’s a habit that can be extremely draining. They may appear to have a boundary between themselves and the other person, but it’s a very thin line. In actuality, they are merged with the other person’s energy field in a very co-dependent way.
Sometimes, recognizing that they end up feeling drained, these folks avoid participation: They seem to be involved but, on an energy level, remain inside themselves. They are still saying “hello” and being polite, but they’re really not connected with the energy. However, when they remain totally outside the dynamics of the interaction, afterwards they end up on the other extreme and become overly excited—bouncing off the walls with excess energy.
For these folks, being drained and being overly excited are two sides of the same coin: not dealing with what’s actually happening in the moment. They have either given too much of themselves and feel drained, or given too little and absorbed others’ energy, so that they feel overcharged. Both reactions are a by-product of not being present or grounded in their bodies and responding to the situation moment by moment as a separate person. The balance lies in being consciously aware of others’ energy without being consumed by it. Aries North Nodes need to stay connected to their own power and be in touch with what they can comfortably contribute. The idea is to share their talents freely, to be of service, and to give from the heart without trying to be more—or less—than they actually are.
Aries North Node people often try to work within the dynamic of the merged energy field (theirs and the other person’s)—they plug into the other’s energy and add whatever ingredient is needed to keep things harmonious. And they feel good about doing this; it’s an expression of their love. But another motive may be that they want to blend their energy with others’ to avoid standing out as an individual. Then they can participate in the flow of things without being noticed. They have a fear of being acknowledged, which is in fact the fear of acknowledging themselves.
Because they are so sensitive and vulnerable, they fear that being acknowledged could be overwhelming. There would be joy in having their positive aspects reflected back to them, but they fear having the negative reflected back as well. They don’t want to face their “demons” as a result of another’s feedback. Maybe they won’t be liked. Maybe the other person, in order to protect himself from dealing with his own demons, will lash out at them. They have a lot of concerns about the possible repercussions of being themselves, so they would rather just “go along” and not really be seen as an individual.
However, concerns about how others will see them are a factor only when Aries North Node people seek to see themselves through others’ eyes. In past lives it was a positive thing to see themselves through their partner’s eyes, as it showed them how to adjust their behavior to more effectively support the other person. However, through many lifetimes of overuse, their habit of “fitting in” has extinguished their own identity. In this incarnation it is not to their advantage to see themselves through others’ eyes, as this inhibits their ability to build their own sense of self.
When these folks make up their mind to go in a given direction, it’s sometimes difficult for them to move in a straight line! Part of them may question whether or not it’s what they really want, and then they consider all the other factors that might be involved. It may take them a long time to decide which direction they want to take.
The process goes something like this. They make a decision and tell all their friends about it, and then they have doubts. For example, they may decide: “I want to write adventure novels.” Then they start thinking: “You know, I also like other kinds of books.” They try to embrace one idea and are able to feel that “this is really right.” But somewhere down the line they say: “No … I don’t feel quite right about it,” and then they are back in indecision!
When Aries North Node people do make a decision, they have no problem justifying it. They can find ways to make any decision right or wrong. However, this mechanism can actually deflect them from a true knowledge of where they stand. For example, when a decision arises they have an instinctive response, but then they think: “Well, I want to be fair about this, so I’ll look at it from the opposite point of view.” This causes them to become confused and lose sight of what they want.
In this lifetime, Aries North Node people are developing single-mindedness. Rather than weigh everything before making a choice, they are learning the value of following their initial impulse—just to see where it goes! It’s fine for them to make a decision based on their spontaneous sense of inner excitement, and then put the full force of their intellect into implementing it. It’s an experiment. Later on, if they lose a feeling of “tightness” about it and something else excites them, they can responsibly tie up the loose ends and go on to the next thing. This is a lifetime of new beginnings for them, so it’s natural that many decisions they make will be subject to change.
Actually, this incarnation is not set up to be one of decision making—which usually implies considering two points of view and then finding a compromise. Rather than be the “referee,” in this lifetime these natives are supposed to be one of the points of view! That is why it is in their best interest to form the habit of noticing their first impulses, which will guide them to correct decisions. Then the vitality, confidence, and joy will come back into their lives and it will be a blessing for everyone.
A major obstacle to this single-mindedness for Aries North Node people is that they can appreciate the beauty in all their choices. Owing to past incarnations of being deeply involved with others’ lives, they are accustomed to appreciating the beauty in everything outside of themselves. They aren’t in touch with having “favorites” of anything. Because they don’t know what their own tastes and preferences are, they have a tough time picking out one thing and saying: “This is it!”
What they can do is make time to visualize different things “inside” themselves and learn to feel what their preferences are. For example, if asked what their favorite color is, they may waver. But if they go off by themselves, visualize the colors “inside” them, and tune in to how they resonate with each one, they will discover their preference.
When these folks have to make a decision, they often feel what the right choice is. But sometimes they are forced to decide before they’ve gotten in touch with that intuitive impulse. Again, visualization can help. They can take a few minutes and visualize themselves following one option, to see how they feel about it in their physical body. Then they can visualize following the other option, and see how they feel about that. If it’s an important matter and they don’t have an immediate impulsive response, it’s fine to take as much time as they need to visualize so they can make the right choice.
RISKING OTHERS’ JUDGMENT
If Aries North Node people allow others to be part of their decision-making process, they lose touch with themselves and are dissatisfied no matter how the situation turns out. In past lives their decisions involved “the team”—they had to consult the other person so the outcome would work for the partnership. But in this lifetime they want to develop their own identity, so it’s better to ask themselves: “How do I feel about this decision?”
When they tell another person their decisions, they become vulnerable to that person’s approval. And since they’re so sensitive, if the other person doesn’t agree, then they start thinking: “Maybe I didn’t make the right decision.” So it is better for them to keep decisions to themselves, knowing that their decisions will change as they themselves change and grow.
Because Aries North Node people are influenced by what they think other people think (especially if it’s someone they respect), they have a tendency to trust others’ judgment above their own instincts. But in this lifetime they are learning to take a stand for their own judgment, which has less to do with “being right” than with discovering more about themselves!
These folks fear others will judge them harshly if they make a decision that isn’t based on sound logic. They see others making decisions based on logic, so if they make an impulsive decision, they think it is not as valid. However, for them it’s correct to follow impulse, whereas a member of another nodal group may be better off following logic. For Aries North Nodes, decisions based on their first impulse generally work out best—then they can use logic to find the best way to implement the decisions.
If Aries North Node people are facing a decision and no initial impulse arises within them, it’s okay not to make a decision. It may be a sign that it is not the time for them to make a decision, or that they really don’t have a preference. Then it’s fine to just say: “I don’t know.”
These natives always feel more comfortable responding to a situation when another point of view has already been put on the table. Then they can either agree or disagree with that opinion. It’s scary for them to offer their opinion first. But it’s their specialty in this incarnation to offer innovative ideas, seemingly out of nowhere! Aries North Node people are great at supporting another’s decision, but in this lifetime they need to impulsively feel where they want to go, put their idea on the table, and support it 100 percent. In this lifetime, they are the trailblazers!
A SENSE OF IDENTITY
Owing to so many incarnations in which they sacrificed their own identity for the sake of supporting others, Aries North Node people enter this lifetime without an inborn sense of identity. Rediscovering and re-establishing a true sense of self is now a primary need. Especially in the early years, their entire sense of self is based on how others see them. They may go along with others’ definition of who they are, or resist it completely. Regardless, it is not their identity—it’s a reaction to others’ construct of who they are. To begin the path to self-discovery, they need to ask themselves: “Who am I … apart from others’ projections?” They will find an answer only by looking inside themselves.
To answer their need for self-awareness, it would be helpful for these folks to begin “checking in” with themselves on a regular basis. When they’re not in touch with themselves, they often end up acting in extremes. With others, they feel they have to be a lightbearer—loving, supportive, and self-sacrificing all the time. This represses the part of themselves that cannot possibly be that way all the time, which creates an intense polarity.
They’re trying to always be loving and supportive because that’s the role they played in past lives, but the extremity of this positive role will also evoke the depths of darkness. If they take a closer look at the darkness, they’ll see that it’s really just their more assertive side, which they haven’t allowed themselves to express. It’s part of their yang nature—their masculine side. It’s polarized because it has been suppressed over so many past lives that it’s not integrated with the rest of the personality. So it may come out in a very intense way, which causes Aries North Nodes to become embarrassed and think: “Where did that come from?”
The best resolution is to stay congruent with themselves: Stay inside their own energy field and stay in touch with what’s going on within them. Then, when they are upset, just spontaneously communicate: “Gosh, for some reason I feel upset about this.” Their job is to simply be themselves. When they first experiment with this, they may feel uncomfortable; but they need to trust that since their underlying motive is love, whatever comes out is going to be fundamentally correct.
Aries North Node people are learning to take charge, do what they need to do for themselves, and become self-sufficient by following their desires. When they feel an impulse to do something that they know would bring them a sense of satisfaction, they need to follow through with it. Owing to the self-purification accomplished in past lives, they can trust that their impulses are not harmful to others and, in fact, signal the direction in which they need to go. In every area of life, the idea is to operate freely on their first impulse of what action would be best in any situation. Any resistance from the ego should be disregarded. In this way, they maintain a balance with others that is based on authenticity and taking responsibility for themselves.
Since these folks are not innately aware of the value of self-sufficiency, they don’t realize how much others value it. They may evoke a negative response when they start supporting someone who hasn’t asked for their help. They enter the other person’s force field and find out what he or she is feeling and thinking. It’s fine for them to be aware of others’ needs, but they are learning that others have boundaries and that they themselves have boundaries as well. As they learn to respect others’ self-sufficiency, they begin to value self-sufficiency for themselves.
Aries North Node people tend to be reactionary when they see other people taking care of themselves. They become judgmental and think that others are self-involved, uncaring, and selfish. Yet becoming involved with themselves is the very thing these folks need to do! It bothers them when they see it in others, because they’re not doing it themselves. When they notice “selfishness” in others, they could use it as a reminder to check in with their own needs. They must begin giving attention to themselves, even if at first they go a bit to extremes.
They might begin by allotting 30 to 40 minutes of solitude for themselves every day, no matter what. In a room by themselves with no interference from the outside world, they might have a cup of tea and plan their day, write in their journal, read an inspiring book, or just sit and reflect. The point is, it’s their time; during that time, they come first. If they arrange that one thing for themselves, they will be able to give to others all day long without becoming resentful. Paying conscious attention to their breathing also helps: It keeps them in touch with their bodies. When they are with others, they could consciously take a deep breath from time to time to keep themselves inside their own boundaries.
Some nodal groups are here to learn about selflessness. But Aries North Nodes already know about selflessness—in this lifetime they need to learn about selfishness. When they stay in touch with themselves, it works for everyone. It’s not logical, but it’s practical. When they’re being themselves they’re afraid they may hurt others, whereas being themselves actually helps others on a deeper level than they could have anticipated. But Aries North Nodes have to experiment with being “selfish” (that is, acting on an idea solely because it gives them a sense of satisfaction) and see how it works out. It’s time for them to be responsible for creating their own happiness.
From past lives, Aries North Node people are accustomed to helping others, supporting others’ ideas, and carrying others’ projects through to completion—so they understand “completion energy.” However, in this incarnation their job is to start things. They need to initiate and then let others carry on. If others don’t come along to help, then it’s fine for them to take sole responsibility. But if others do show up, their job is to allow others to support them and complete things for them, so they can get the ball rolling on the next idea!
Sometimes these folks don’t want to give their project to others because they fear someone else will get the recognition. They think that if someone else can do it, they are less valuable. They also worry that others will take over and leave them behind. They ask themselves: “What do I do then? What is my job? Where is my importance?”
These reactions are an outgrowth of painful misunderstandings that arise when Aries North Node people comingle their identity with others. To restore their equilibrium, they need to separate themselves so they can clearly see the role they are playing and the roles other people are playing. Then they can feel their worth in discovering the seed idea, and let other people bring the idea to fruition.
Sometimes their desire for taking credit and gaining recognition becomes so strong that they repel the creative energy of others who might have made the idea better and more profitable. If Aries North Nodes’ idea is truly potent, other people will be drawn to support it, and each will bring his or her special talents. If Aries North Node people want their own ideas to become reality, they must acknowledge the individual talents of the people they have attracted. By recognizing others’ special talents, they can learn to validate others without diminishing themselves.
Occasionally, Aries North Node people become so preoccupied with getting the credit that they try to diminish the importance of others’ contributions. They want all the credit. Of course, if they want all the credit they have to take all the responsibility and do all the work, so a lot of their ideas never bear fruit. They need to realize that the most important thing is that their original idea gets recognition—that the seed idea is actualized and spread to the widest possible audience. For that to happen, they need to step out of the way and allow others to help. This is a role reversal for Aries North Nodes; they are the leaders but must allow others to support them and promote their ideas.
Since it’s their destiny to develop a sense of identity in this lifetime, in a way their desire for recognition is an attempt to establish a sense of self. However, motive determines the result. If their motive is satisfaction and self-discovery, it is correct and they will win. If their motive is to win recognition from others, then they’re still hooked on needing feedback for their sense of self-worth. They need to release the idea that others must recognize them in order for them to recognize themselves, and begin directly giving themselves credit. The irony is that when they let go of control and begin recognizing the special talents of those who are helping them, others will be inspired to contribute more and the entire project will be permeated with love. And no one else can do their job—they are discovering the seed ideas for everyone else to build on.
Aries North Node people need a grounded, structured existence to enable them to share their message of love with the world. The key is in releasing preconceived images of the ways in which love can be expressed. If they limit the way they express themselves to fit their ideas of love (harmonious, gentle, sensitive, caring, giving, compassionate, etc.), they’re going to miss the boat, because love extends beyond the boundaries of any definitions. If a child is crossing the street in the path of an oncoming car, love may involve grabbing the child’s arm and roughly jerking him out of the way!
These folks already know that love is the only reality and all else is illusion. Thus, they are learning to trust that their impulses will be the correct expression of love in each situation. When these natives follow the feelings of love and appreciation within themselves, they are being themselves. However, they need to be grounded with the energy so that it’s a solid place for them, rather than a state of being that allows them to be pushed around by others.
Aries North Node people have a need to experience this love with others. Their challenge is to maintain the integrity of their own inner being. The irony is that being just the way they are will teach others and evoke feelings of love. To do this, these folks must give up trying to manipulate the other person’s view of them and focus instead on being themselves with as much authenticity and integrity as possible in each moment. It seems hard at first, and it takes discipline and gently reminding themselves to practice their new focus. But ultimately, they can only come from an honest, selfless place by staying true to themselves.
One thing that helps these folks stay grounded is to be aware of their bodies—allowing their bodies to be a natural boundary that gives them a sense of self. They have a tendency to “get into” other people’s consciousness and lose a sense of their own center. So it’s healthy for them to exercise regularly in order to stay more grounded and experience the feeling of balance and harmony they need.
Having a routine is also good for them—it is a way to check in with themselves every day. It can be very mundane: making the bed first thing in the morning, brewing coffee, opening the blinds, following a daily exercise routine, meditating, preparing a healthy breakfast, walking the dog. Their tendency is to make the bed one day, the next day partially make the bed, the third day not make it at all, the fourth day—make it—maybe!
Inconsistency and lack of routine undermine their personal strength, so daily consistency in the routine is important. Additionally, they could have a weekly routine or ritual: Once a week they go to their place of worship, or meet the same group of friends for lunch. This will counter their tendency to feel victimized by the randomness of life; it will give them a sense of structure and discipline emanating from within. Rather than floating in and out of other people’s energy and consciousness, a routine helps enhance their own identity.
However, Aries North Node people despise routine, and for good reason. In past lives, having a routine would make them less available to support others whenever they were needed. They didn’t develop their own routines—their own life—so they could more easily adjust to others’ needs. But in this incarnation, it is to their advantage to develop strong routines and allow others to adapt to them. Also, having their own routines keeps them from falling into other people’s routines. The discipline this develops is strengthening for them: It evokes the warrior in them, and they feel great about it!
Exploring hobbies and talents is also a good way to develop a sense of self. As Aries North Node people spend time on their own interests, apart from their primary relationship, their identity blossoms. They need to develop these talents through consistent application: regularly taking the time to do the things that bring a sense of personal satisfaction. For example, if they have artistic talents, they might enroll in an art class. If their talent is music, they might take lessons. If they love dancing, they might take dance lessons and/or go dancing regularly with their partner or friends.
Aries North Nodes’ sense of being grounded involves self-discipline. Everything that will work to their advantage requires discipline: spending time alone on a daily basis, following a few self-chosen routines to make their lives strong, and remembering to appreciate themselves.
One experiment that will help these folks practice self-discipline and checking in with themselves is to become aware of their eating habits. The idea is to not eat unconsciously (out of boredom or to cope with feelings) but to notice when their bodies are hungry and then tune in to what their bodies would like to eat. They can use visualization in this. They can imagine having a bite of salad and notice how their bodies feel in response. If they imagine soup in their mouths, or a sandwich, or fruit, or mashed potatoes, they can tell how their bodies will respond.
Aries North Node people are so sensitive that when they visualize eating a particular food, their bodies will actually tell them whether that food will make them feel good, or sluggish, or energetic. Then they can eat depending on what they want to experience at the time. But they are so “out of touch” with themselves that even this process may be challenging at first. They may have to work on it; yet when they do it, it’s very satisfying and will strengthen their connection with themselves.
Self-discipline is not a punishment, it’s a practice. It involves strengthening the “take-charge” muscles and doing things on a habitual basis that promote strength, health, and well-being. These folks can use self-discipline as a tool to uncover their identity. Consciously practicing self-discipline will evoke the warrior within them in a balanced, harmonious way.
On a spiritual level, Aries North Node people are discovering who they really are—allowing a new, innate, and natural identity to emerge. How ever, sometimes they can use their lack of clear identity to their advantage in breaking troublesome habits. One easy way for these folks to practice self-discipline is through simply reinventing their identity. Since they have no preconceived, rigid perception of themselves, by changing their identity in their own minds they can make healthy changes in their lives. For example, I had a client with this nodal position who wasn’t a smoker in his youth, but who began smoking heavily five years prior to my seeing him. One day he suddenly stopped smoking, with no side effects or withdrawal symptoms. He simply “remembered himself” as a nonsmoker!
ESTABLISHING ONE’S CENTER
Aries North Node people have had so many lifetimes of identifying with others that they have confused their “center”—their inner sense of self—with that of their partner. They are hypersensitive to the partner’s moods because the other person actually rests at their “center.” Thus, if the partner is unhappy or dissatisfied, Aries North Node will feel it. He can spend all his time and energy trying to make his partner happy so that his own sense of well-being and contentment remains undisturbed.
The problem is that nobody can take on the responsibility for making another person happy. The best one can do is “appease” the partner, adding an ingredient that will temporarily change her mood; but the partner must then constantly be appeased in order to stay happy. And it just isn’t set up to work that way for Aries North Nodes in this lifetime.
Actually, the growth required of them is best achieved by de-emphasizing the idea that relationships are necessary for their survival. They are learning to stand alone and relate to others from a new perspective. However, despite their sensitivity, these folks are often blissfully ignorant about other people: what motivates them, what they are seeking, and what kind of success they would like to achieve. Sometimes they only see the other person (and themselves) on the superficial level of having immediate needs and desires that are, or are not, satisfied. They only see deeply enough into the other person’s identity to manipulate him into keeping the mood harmonious. This is why people surprise or disappoint Aries North Nodes—they never saw who the other person really was.
In many ways, Aries North Node people are not relating to the other person at all—they are relating to the relationship between themselves and the other person. This does not lead to truly helping their partner—or themselves—to grow. The relationship is not an entity; it cannot grow unless the two individuals grow. Thus, no matter how much time and energy these folks devote to the relationship, it cannot give back to them. So they are better off examining the needs for autonomy and individual creative expression of both partners. By encouraging and inspiring the other person to achieve results on his or her own, they free both the partner and themselves to evolve as individuals.
Another drawback to Aries North Nodes’ focusing on the relationship rather than on the other individual is that they can’t really validate their partners’ identity. When Aries North Node people believe in their partners’ ability to be self-sufficient—rather than constantly appeasing them, reassuring them, or “picking up the slack”—they will begin to notice the other person’s strengths and can encourage him or her to exercise those strengths. This sets the stage for also seeing themselves on a deeper level, noticing their own strengths and pursuing their own impulses for growth.
FAIRNESS AND SELF-ASSERTION
Aries North Node people are preoccupied with ideals of justice and fairness; when they think something is unjust, they fly off the handle. They want the world and other people to meet their rigid standards. They figure: “I’ll play fair with others, and others should play fair with me.” These folks sincerely wish the world were more just, but it’s actually in their best interest that it doesn’t work that way! Because their ideas of justice don’t work, they are motivated to act directly from their instincts—their identity—as opposed to “being nice.” For many incarnations they’ve been waiting for a time when it’s okay to be themselves—and this is it!
In this lifetime their sense of fairness and justice is not an accurate barometer of whether these folks are on track or whether they have a right to be angry with another. In fact, whenever they “get on their high horse” about injustice or fairness, they are off path. First, their definition of “fair” has a lot to do with the fact that they sacrifice their needs and desires for others—they constantly violate the boundaries of how much they can give without loss to self. Then, in “fairness,” they expect others to do the same. These natives are learning to stop violating their own natural limits and to not entice others to go beyond their boundaries.
Aries North Node people become resentful if they think something isn’t fair. If they feel resentment, it’s a signal to pull back and recharge. It also signals a need to express their emotions: “I seem to be feeling resentful, so I’m going to take some time by myself and work it out.”
Honest expression validates and strengthens their sense of identity. It also gives the other person a chance to become aware of Aries North Node’s needs and boundaries. From the other person’s response, the native has a clearer idea of who he is dealing with. If the other person says: “Did I say something that offended you?” Aries North Node has the opportunity to work it out on the spot. He cannot expect others to be as sensitive as he is, since others have had different past life experiences. But once he openly expresses himself, he can tell from the other’s response how much self-assertion will be necessary before the other person hears him and honors his needs.
Aries North Node people are learning to be assertive in a constructive way that promotes fairness through clear self-expression. For example, I had an Aries North Node client who was in the process of purchasing—through rather large monthly payments—some real estate from a friend of hers. One day the friend approached her with a need for money for an unexpected problem, and my client immediately gave her the money (the instinctive Aries North Node desire to help and share). She assumed the other person would either repay it or deduct the amount from her next payment. However, her friend never repaid or acknowledged that money in any way. My client felt hurt and resentful but never brought the matter up. Naturally, she emotionally distanced herself from her onetime friend.
This type of incident seems to occur frequently in Aries North Node peoples’ lives; as a consequence, they feel let down by others. From a broader point of view, this is life’s way of teaching these folks to assert themselves. They need to take responsibility for themselves in their interactions with others. In the example, when the friend approached her, my client could have said: “Sure—I’ll just take the amount off my next payment, or I could take a third off on the next three payments, or, what will work for you?” In this way, she would have satisfied her need to share and taken care of herself in a direct, honest, fair way.
Aries North Node people truly do love to give—it’s their nature. But their motive needs to be love, not creating co-dependence. Their giving must be pure, without an expectation of result, in order for them to be free of disappointment in their relationships. If they find they are giving in an imbalanced way, they can openly bargain with their partner so that both people’s needs are equitably met. It’s when they expect others to reciprocate, without letting them know exactly what they expect, that they go off track—they need to give their silent expectations a voice!
It’s their job to be sure things are fair by asserting themselves and letting others know what they expect in return for their giving. If they do this they will feel happy because they were the ones who ensured that fairness came about. This builds their confidence. Rather than being displeased with others, they will be pleased with themselves.
Since they are the ones who know about fairness, they can teach others by openly stating their standards. Then they are not only giving to the other person but also sharing their knowledge of how to give and take in relationships.
These folks can access the fresh energy that is emerging in this lifetime through honest self-assertion—not by waiting and reacting to the expectations of others, but by getting in touch with (and expressing) the impulses of their own being. Even though their sensitivity to others is strong, they must continue to build a sense of their own identity. Through practicing self-sufficiency a new confidence will emerge, empowering them to relate to others in healthy, innovative ways.
Dependence on harmony with others (especially the marriage partner) is the primary issue for Aries North Node people in this lifetime. Actually, the problem goes beyond dependence—it may involve total identification with the partner, and sometimes with all significant others. Aries North Nodes often become so identified with their partners that they are overwhelmed by the other person’s emotions. When the other person feels distraught, their first reaction is to rush to say whatever is necessary to restore harmony so that they (Aries North Nodes) can feel better. They handle the partner as an extension of themselves, and then they lose patience trying to get the other person to “straighten up” and be harmonious so that they can feel comfortable with themselves again. But their sense of urgency generally makes things worse.
These folks need to notice that when they try to regain their own inner harmony by manipulating their partner, it doesn’t work. What does work when they feel a lack of harmony from their partner is to politely excuse themselves and spend some time alone. Aries North Nodes need to respect others enough to allow them to experience whatever they are feeling and to work through it on their own, unless they ask for help. This is how people reach a deeper level of self-awareness.
Additionally, these natives can gain a better understanding of what is happening with their partner when they get a little distance. This is why it is crucial for them to have their own space surrounded by their own personal possessions to reinforce their sense of identity. They need a private place to go when they become overidentified with the partner—a place where they can be alone.
These folks can never experience inner tranquility as long as they refuse to acknowledge their own boundaries—and their partner’s—and allow another person to be their “center.” For example, I had an Aries North Node client who came to me hoping to resolve marriage difficulties. He had been married for twenty-three years, had a great deal of money, and his pattern had always been to appease his wife’s moods by buying her things. They traveled extensively—anything to keep her happy—because when she was happy, he was happy. But it was all manipulation on his part so he could remain undisturbed and have a sense of solidity, because he had placed her at his center.
Over the years she became increasingly difficult to please, and eventually nothing could satisfy her. She became verbally abusive to other family members as a way of generating a sense of her own substance and individual personhood. The destructiveness accelerated until the negative energy even made her unhappy.
My client was beside himself; nothing he could do would keep his partner happy and his own center undisturbed. This is a lesson Aries North Node people are learning: Even under ideal conditions, it is impossible to remain peaceful when someone else rests in your center. None of us really knows what can keep another person happy, and we rob them of the challenge of discovering and fulfilling themselves if we take on that responsibility. If my client had not distracted his wife from her moments of unhappiness so that he could stay calm, she would have had the opportunity to learn to handle her own moods. This might have averted her need to become destructive as a means of finally being in charge of her own inner state of being.
Aries North Node people are not accustomed to declaring the boundaries of their own identity—immediately, as those boundaries arise within them. They still feel a need to support their partner, even if it goes against their own best interests. So if their partner disagrees with something they want to do, they may say: “Okay, I won’t do it,” but decide they are going to do it anyway. By not honestly standing up for themselves, they reinforce the unhealthy dependence within the relationship.
Some of these kinds of problems stem from the tremendous love and compassion that these folks are born with. They have spent so many past lifetimes developing sensitivity that now it is not unusual for them to feel more compassionate toward another person or situation than their partner does. Sometimes the partner may not want to deal with a certain problem and the Aries North Node says: “Okay, we won’t,” in order to avoid disharmony. Then he starts to feel resentful, yet helpless to correct the situation. His need to support others can lead him to go behind his partner’s back and lend a helping hand; but then his partner feels a breach of trust, which damages the relationship, and the Aries North Node person feels unsupported in being who he really is.
Resolution for this problem can come through both parties expanding their idea of “we” to become more flexible: sometimes as a team, and sometimes as two separate individuals. In the above situation, Aries North Node should communicate what he is experiencing—which takes a lot of courage. For example: “Okay—I hear that you feel resistance to supporting this situation, and I want to put energy into it. So I will do this independently.” When the recognition of a different preference arises, these folks need to risk saying: “I don’t feel that way about it.” The problem isn’t in doing what they feel is correct; the problem is in lying about it.
CHOOSING A PARTNER
In seeking a mate or any other close connection, Aries North Node people are subconsciously seeking a relationship in which they can lose themselves. They wish to become so submerged in the other person that they are totally “safe.” It’s the old “1/2 + ½ = 1 whole” theory, but it doesn’t work for these people. Rather, they are here to learn that “1 whole + 1 whole = a healthy team.”
However, until they become aware, they will attempt to find someone with whom they can identify, and then they pour all their love and support into reinforcing that other person. But when they seek a partner from this position, it never works out. Often they are attracted to people who abuse them or let them down. In fact, just the opposite approach is scheduled to work for these folks. They need to stop focusing on others and concentrate on themselves instead. As they begin to focus on being themselves, allowing their own true, unique identity to emerge, and going in their own individual direction, their energy will attract the right person—someone who will appreciate and value them.
Aries North Node people are so accustomed to the joys of partnership from past lives that they subconsciously associate being happy with being in a relationship that is mutually, joyfully symbiotic. They came into this lifetime wanting to do everything with their partner, all the time. They are basically cheerful people, but an energy drain is taking place beneath the surface of the relationship that is based on feelings of dependence. Aries North Nodes’ need for attention and to be included as part of the other person’s identity are a bottomless pit.
Subconsciously, these folks believe they cannot survive without the energy of others. So they tend to cultivate a mutual dependence with stronger people around them. They take time and energy away from their own goals to help the partner reach hers. They give of their understanding, being more sensitive to others’ needs than to their own. In this way they create a dependence, becoming an integral part of what the other person needs to survive.
Then Aries North Node people resent their partners for “interfering” with their independence and blame them when they don’t reach their goals, even though the Aries North Nodes created the unhealthy dependence. They think it’s love (indeed, these folks are very loving and cooperative), but a lot of their self-sacrifice is subconscious manipulation. Love never expects anything in return for giving, and resentment is a by-product of expecting something and not getting it. Aries North Node people must learn to be honest with themselves and others about how much they are willing to give and what they expect in return. Being part of a team means making sure they are also supported.
Because these folks are learning the lesson of not depending on others, they subconsciously attract people who are undependable. Although this gives them the opportunity to learn to depend on themselves, the process can be quite painful.
Aries North Node people are often so intent on influencing the relationship in ways that result in the complete integration of two people that they don’t fully notice the partner’s identity. They see the other person only in terms of what it takes to please him or her. They don’t generally stop to notice who the other person is on a deeper level, in terms of his or her true inner identity. Worse yet, because they are looking for someone to fill their center so they can feel complete, they assume that others also lack a sense of self and are looking for a partner in order to gain a sense of completion. Thus, they enter relationships with some very naïve and inaccurate premises.
Operating with flawed ideas of who the other person is and what he or she wants, Aries North Node people often become deeply emotionally invested and then end up confused when the other person leaves or lets them down. Many other people do have a sense of their own center, and many independent types will rebel against the stifling aspect of Aries North Node wanting to be connected at every moment, in consciousness if not physically.
Aries North Node people tend to gravitate to people who are selfish and require a great deal of personal attention. They attract types who expect total attention and accept their energy without giving back on an equal basis. Through indiscriminate giving, Aries North Nodes may also inadvertently cause an initially sensitive partner to become insensitive.
Generally, these folks are better off around people who show some sensitivity in return. They are more comfortable around people with whom they don’t have to “clash energy.” They have a tendency to allow the other person to completely submerge them, so they need to be with someone who encourages them to be themselves and who won’t abuse their loving, giving nature. Of course, letting people know where they stand helps others to be sensitive in return.
Aries North Node people sometimes are so attached to peace and harmony that they inadvertently damage their relationships by avoiding all conflict. They may start out saying: “Okay, I’m going to be a team player” and then foresee a conflict; rather than deal with it when it comes along, they postpone it until it becomes a major dispute.
Their challenge is to be vigilant in consistently standing their g