and North Node in the 4th House
ATTRIBUTES TO DEVELOP
Work in these areas can help uncover hidden gifts and talents
Noticing and validating feelings
Nurturing and supporting others
Building one’s own foundation and security
Honest disclosure of feelings and insecurities
Accepting others’ foibles and fluctuating moods without judgment
Staying centered in one’s own feelings
TENDENCIES TO LEAVE BEHIND
Working to reduce the influence of these tendencies can help make life easier and more enjoyable
Needing to control everything and everyone
Compulsion to take charge without fully understanding the situation
Ignoring the process; being too focused on the goal
Feeling completely responsible for everything
Hiding feelings and fears in intimate relationships
Doing things to gain respect or admiration from others
Taking care of others’ feelings and neglecting one’s own
Doing what is “socially acceptable” rather than what is totally honest
Thinking that things have to be difficult in order to be important
The Achilles’ heel Cancer North Node people need to be aware of is their need for control (“If only I can make them get their lives together, then I can relax and be vulnerable”). But the truth is that they can never control situations—or other people—enough to feel that it’s safe to be themselves. When they try to take charge of situations in other people’s lives without being invited, they are inappropriately usurping others’ responsibilities.
The trap they need to avoid is an unending search for acknowledgment (“If only others will recognize my contribution in a respectful way, I can begin to feel good about myself”). But it’s a bottomless pit: Others can never give enough recognition for them to feel satisfied. Only when they acknowledge within themselves the importance of the contributions they make (through nurturing others in a supportive way) will they begin to feel fulfilled.
The bottom line is that they will never have enough authority to feel that it’s safe to be vulnerable. At some point they must take a chance and let others know the truth of who they are and how they feel: their insecurities, fears of rejection and abandonment, and feelings of inadequacy. The irony is that when they risk letting others see who they truly are, they finally gain total safety—because in revealing their feelings they’ve taken charge of themselves on a deeper level.
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
What you really want is to be in absolute control of every area of their lives all the time. They have an insatiable need to think they have the power to succeed. To attain this goal, however, these folks must stay in touch with their feelings and insecurities and share the truth about themselves with others.
Acknowledging their insecurities will give Cancer North Node people a stable base from which to create success in the outer world, for they are no longer fighting themselves by trying to hide or suppress their feelings. This gives them a calm, inner certainty from which to accomplish their goals. And by acknowledging their own emotions, they will develop an awareness of other people’s feelings. As long as they remain aware and supportive of other people, they will gain the support they require to help them on their own path.
Cancer North Node people have the gift of being able to nurture and support others; therefore, any profession that gives them the opportunity to nourish others (physically, mentally, or emotionally) is a joy for them. Good choices would include dealing with food (restaurants, hotels, hospitality, etc.), house repairs, and working in the home. They also do very well selling or investing in real estate. However, they must use their instincts in such investments and follow their “hunches.”
Cancer North Node people also have a solid and accurate business sense and an excellent capacity for bargaining and shrewd negotiating. They instinctively know how to accomplish things and succeed in business. However, when their profession involves using only their business acumen, they are not happy because it is too “dry.” Their profession should make use of their business instincts only as a backdrop to nurture others in a practical, financially viable way.
“When I try to control, I lose.”
“When I share my feelings, I win.”
“I win when I acknowledge the capacity of others to take charge of their own lives.”
“It’s okay to let my feelings show.”
“It’s okay not to manage everything all the time.”
“No one can invalidate my feelings.”
Many Cancer North Node people have had past incarnations in highly structured monasteries, convents, or other places where they were participants in strict, community-oriented religious environments. They were separated from the normal flow of family interactions. Because of limited experience with interdependence, dealing with people’s moods, and acceptance of their own and others’ natural human urges, they lack the instinctive ease of family relationships that is common to the other nodal groups.
In past lives these folks were trained to repress their feelings, instincts, sexual urges, and enjoyment of the physical senses. Abstinence and discipline were foremost, and deprivation of the joys of being human was rewarded with respect and promotion. In this incarnation they still tend to put up a wall between themselves and easy, earthy interaction with others. They are accustomed to postponing the pleasure of life, and often postponement leads to permanent denial.
These people have a “lofty goal,” and everything else is put on the back burner until that goal has been realized. A feeling of righteousness is attached to this goal, and they do not allow themselves to be distracted by human temptations. The only problem is that the goal is perpetual, an endless quest arising from the subconscious desire to achieve spiritual heights. However, because the goal is insatiable, these folks end up constantly striving, with no time for relationships, fun, or really living.
Cancer North Node people have been trained throughout past incarnations to suppress their “feeling” (that is, emotional) responses to life to remain focused on the higher purpose they were serving. But their hearts long to connect with the rest of humankind. They yearn to belong and experience a sense of family with those they love—but they feel awkward. They have had so many lifetimes of disciplined training that they don’t know how to do it—they’re ashamed to let their feelings out. Their insensitivity to others is a product of their ingrained insensitivity to their own feelings. However, in this incarnation, repressing their feelings in the name of a higher purpose is contrary to the direction their souls need for completion and fulfillment.
In past lives these folks achieved positions of public authority, social prominence, and prestige. They were feudal lords, politicians, businesspeople, and heads of households. Cancer North Node people functioned as “the boss”; they managed others and took responsibility for behaving in a way that epitomized social correctness.
Owing to many incarnations of enjoying the spotlight, they are still looking for their audience! Respect is important for these folks. They tend to act from a motive of seeking respect from others. They make tremendous personal sacrifices, stand for principles they believe in at the expense of their own personal needs—and still get no respect. They’re accustomed to being in authority, yet now no one is following their directions—and they can’t figure it out. They become frustrated because they don’t understand what is happening, and over time this can harden their hearts.
In reality, their accomplishments stand on their own merit and are their own reward. But Cancer North Node people are subconsciously seeking recognition for the nobility of their sacrifices. This makes completing any task unnecessarily difficult. If they simply release the need to “get credit,” they can reach their goals and enjoy personal pleasure along the way.
This lifetime is simply not scheduled for them to win respect for making personal sacrifices. When they use respect as a barometer of whether they are “on path,” they get “off track” every time. In past lives, respect was a valid indication for them. But they played those public roles and held positions of authority in so many lifetimes that they became lonely and isolated: so much responsibility and so little personal nurturing, over and over again! Now their birth chart is set up to not allow them to put accomplishment, respect, and honor above other more personal aspects.
Cancer North Node people need to pay more attention to organizing their lives in a way that meets personal needs as well as long-range goals. In this lifetime these folks don’t have to maintain an image for others. In fact, as they work to reach their goals just because it makes them happy to do a good job and because the work fills a public need—whether it’s for their own family or the entire world—the recognition will be there. But if they go looking for it directly, it takes them off track.
They are still masters of accomplishment. But if their motive for accomplishment is to gain the respect of others, they will never be happy with what they obtain because their need for respect is insatiable—they never gain enough to be satisfied.
Ironically, the key to satisfaction for these folks is to learn to give respect rather than demand it. When success in any area comes too easily, these people tend to become ego centered and carried away with their own importance. They may become careless and unwittingly push away the very prize they were so eager to obtain. It is essential for them to greet success with humble appreciation. This will slow them down and put them in touch with the energy of new beginnings. They need to learn to honor this time—the new relationship, the new job, the new opportunity, the new home—and to treat the initial stages with tender awareness. This will create a solid foundation upon which success can be built. Once they slow themselves down, they are naturally aware of the correct way to do this.
When Cancer North Node people consciously respect and honor something beyond themselves (the opportunities life brings, the people who help them, etc.), a shift in their orientation occurs and they approach people with a new attitude. They treat them with care, attention, empathy, and meticulous clarity—creating a situation that is positive for everyone involved. Rather than seeking to gain respect, these folks need to orient themselves to giving respect. If they are able to do this, their lives will shift in a magical, mutually nurturing way.
For the sake of reaching an important goal, these folks will sacrifice without complaint. Hard work is not foreign to them. They are perfectly happy working 12-hour days, foregoing personal pleasures and postponing relaxation. Moreover, they will personally see to it that the job gets done successfully, regardless of the effort required. However, they are used to being in authority, and as a result they like to delegate details as soon as they are in a position to do so. It’s not that they look down on “detail” work; they simply want their attention clear so they can focus on the larger goal.
Cancer North Node people are masters at achieving goals. The talent is so innate that it is almost subconscious. When they have a goal in mind, they are continually alert for opportunities. They view everything as a stepping-stone to the goal. However, if they do not have a goal that they can commit to, their natural abilities are likely to degenerate and the goal becomes one of controlling others and maintaining the status quo.
These folks need to be more clear about what they want to achieve to keep from subconsciously manipulating others in an attempt to avoid getting what they don’t want. To do this, their past-life goal orientation can be used to advantage. For example, if they are renting out a house and don’t want the rent to be late, they can tell the tenants what they do want: “I’ll do everything I can to make your living here enjoyable; the only thing I’m inflexible about is that the rent must reach me by the first of each month. If I don’t make the bank payments on the first, we’re all in trouble. So I have to have the rent payment by the first—is that acceptable to you?”
In job situations, if they don’t want the employees to be late or slack in their duties, they can make an impression by saying: “Look, we’re all a team here. If we don’t do a good job, the company won’t make a profit and we’ll all be out of work. This is the structure we’re going to follow to make sure we achieve our goals so we all prosper: Everyone comes to work on time (etc.).”
Because in past lives Cancer North Node people were rewarded for attaining goals with high social status, in this lifetime they may have a subconscious desire to choose goals that will bring them prestige rather than ones that are truly the desires of their own hearts—and this gets them into trouble. In this lifetime they must redefine what is truly important to them. Their devotion to purpose is fine, but not if it’s at the expense of their relationships; otherwise, when they reach the goal they will not be happy. This is why they need to put their own needs above “performing” for someone else. It’s time to release their image. Attempting to gain respect through “role playing” for others costs them their own satisfaction and emotional well-being.
In this lifetime, Cancer North Node people tend to take everything very seriously. Because they have carried the “weight of the world” in past lives, they come into this incarnation feeling like they’re shouldering grave responsibilities. They are drawn to people and situations that trigger their powerful urge to take charge, and they end up feeling totally responsible for the fates of everyone around them. Even as children, they often take on the responsibility for the well-being of one of their parents, usually the mother. They are born “old and serious”—even taking jokes seriously; usually only later in life do they realize it might be to their advantage to “lighten up.”
With their serious demeanor, they inadvertently send out an energy that causes others to think they are unapproachable. Much of this is due to past lives in which they were unapproachable, and they continue to subconsciously project that attitude. Now their manner makes others see them as aloof, “on top of things,” and not needing or wanting anything from anyone else.
However, once you get past the “keep away” exterior, you find that they are very vulnerable and down-to-earth. Unfortunately, the people who could most deeply appreciate Cancer North Nodes for who they really are can be “put off” by their cool exterior; sometimes Cancer North Nodes end up attracting social climbers and less genuine folks who want to manipulate them. Their deepest longing is to feel close to others with whom they can relate on a genuine level, so it is to their advantage to recognize and release the aloof attitudes that keep others at a distance.
These folks are learning to take life—and themselves—less seriously, but this is not easy. They are attached to the serious approach, thinking it will help them to accomplish their goals. Actually, it may surprise them that they get the job done more easily when they are not so serious. When they lighten up and take a more playful, open approach to life, it balances their energy and they actually become much more effective. Others want to “go along” with them—and they have a lot more fun!
Owing to past lives of being in authority, Cancer North Node people are accustomed to taking charge. It was their responsibility to see that the fields were tilled or that the business was successful, and others depended on their ability to reach the goal to ensure everyone’s survival. Therefore, they tend to rise to positions of authority, see how to achieve the goal, and then delegate tasks to others without always taking the time to explain the importance of everyone’s role.
These folks often are so focused on reaching the goal that they forget that true success is based on more than just running promotions or bringing in accounts. The people who are helping them can’t be treated like objects. Cancer North Nodes must take the time to understand the other person’s situation and forge an emotional connection. The other person will support their goals if they have taken the time to show interest in that person. For example, rather than chastising an employee for being late, it would be to their advantage to ask what’s going on at home—is something causing the employee to be repeatedly late? They have to continuously remember to put themselves in the other person’s place and treat the other with sensitivity, the way they would like to be treated themselves.
Cancer North Node people hate to look as if they’re not “on top” of everything, but they often feel inept at handling emotional upsets. They discount the importance of feelings, viewing them as a distraction from getting the job done. When their own moods interfere with achieving practical results, they judge themselves harshly. When other people’s problems interfere with getting the job done, they may judge them harshly as well. This makes them seem uncaring and makes it difficult for others to relate to them.
Sometimes Cancer North Node people respond to their frustration at not knowing how to handle people by “blowing up”—which overpowers and invalidates the feelings of everyone involved. Others become afraid to be themselves around these folks, because people never know what might trigger Cancer North Nodes’ anger. Others “walk on eggshells” until Cancer North Nodes can learn how to relate to people’s feelings in new ways. These natives are discovering that all they need do is recognize and acknowledge the emotional upsets of others, in a caring way, and they will have healed the problem. Then they can help refocus the other person on the task at hand.
Cancer North Node people lack consistency in their sensitivity to feelings—their own and others’: They are either hypersensitive or utterly insensitive. If they are conscious of emotional rapport with others on a more consistent basis, they will be less likely to speak or act in ways that hurt others’ feelings and thus avoid situations that ultimately hurt their own feelings. They are learning to integrate a consistent awareness of feelings with the rest of their personality.
Cancer North Node people resist taking suggestions from anyone—they like to do their own thing. They’re a little bit cocky because they think they already know everything. To earn their respect, someone has to come up with something they haven’t thought of—and that makes a big impression on them. They feel they have finally found someone who can offer them something. When they do take a suggestion, it’s when someone who is successful at something shows them how to do it. They only have respect for people who are doers—not talkers! This is one reason they ate such good businesspeople. They are not distracted by others’ ideas or lured by “get rich quick” schemes; they always look beneath the surface.
Perhaps because of their past-life religious values, Cancer North Node people are generally not victimized by greed. Once again, this makes them good businesspeople because they are not lured by promises of big returns with little investment. They are practical and willing to work hard, seeing how to reach the goal step by step. They have an accurate instinct and an innate talent for organizing all the pieces of the puzzle to realize the larger goal.
Because these folks are so innately goal oriented, when they face a challenge they figure out where they want to go with it before sharing it with anyone else. And they often become fixated on it. They want to make the decisions, because they are going to accept full responsibility for the results. It is also difficult for them to accept help from others because they think others don’t grasp the whole picture. However, the best managers elicit feedback from others, factoring everyone’s perspective into the equation before making a final decision. These natives must remember that no one sees all the possibilities, and life would be a lot easier if they sought others’ input before taking action.
Cancer North Node people sometimes have difficulty managing others. They follow a strong work ethic, and they want others to live up to it as well. The problem is that by holding up themselves as the ideal, they don’t bring out the best in other workers. People can never measure up; these natives are willing to commit “whatever it takes” to get the job done, and others simply aren’t willing to do that. Others feel defeated from the beginning—they don’t give their best because they know they can’t measure up to Cancer North Nodes’ ideal.
These folks have been in authority in so many incarnations that they came into this lifetime with a strong instinct to tell everyone else what to do. They have a very strong sense of rules, discipline, and goal orientation. For this reason, they frequently end up alone.
“The boss” often does end up alone—it’s “The Buck Stops Here” philosophy. In past lives, these natives played the role of the boss so well that they lost touch with their own humanity and a sense of belonging to the world and with everyone around them. Thus, in this lifetime, their highest goal is to figure out a way to regain their connectedness.
To begin to feel connected and to bring out the best in their employees or co-workers, Cancer North Node people can experiment with many approaches. Most important, they can try to be a friend to others in the workplace—soliciting others’ opinions, becoming interested in their lives, and taking the time to get to know them on a personal level. It doesn’t seem logical to Cancer North Nodes, but getting to know their fellow workers will strengthen their business tremendously. Also, they could give others “a little slack.” By giving others approval and noticing what they do well, Cancer North Node people feed others’ positive energy. This includes acknowledging others’ value and letting them know the job can’t be done without them. Employees who are treated with respect are more inclined to listen and follow through when there is something they need to correct.
“MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY”
Cancer North Node people have an idealistic view of how other people should perform. If others don’t measure up, rather than pampering them or coaxing them along, these natives may decide they don’t want them around—reflecting a “get it done, no excuses” attitude. They don’t understand that most people don’t operate in this way. These folks need to develop sensitivity to others’ feelings—especially at work. They must be aware of their tendency to ignore feelings because of their own standards of performance, which are often very rigid. They need to allow people to not live up to those ideals; they are learning that others have their own methods of operation.
Sometimes, reacting to their frustration of not knowing how to stay in control of a situation, these folks become angry and walk out. Later, after thinking about it, they usually come back to make amends. They may apologize in some way: “I know I get short-fused, but once I get it out I’m through with it.” Or they may try to make it up in some other way. It is healthy and valid for these folks to apologize when they have made a mistake or run roughshod over others’ feelings. Making apologies is healthy because it gives them a new sense of humility and relatedness, and it gives others the insight that these folks aren’t made of iron and can make mistakes. This endears Cancer North Node to others, so any excuse for a sincere apology is a good one!
Cancer North Node people have had lifetimes of assuming “ultimate responsibility” for getting the job done—so in this lifetime they must let others be responsible and have the experience of management. One way to accomplish this is by taking on the role of the person who has the need (which is a learning experience for Cancer North Nodes), presenting tasks as problems they need help with.
When they take a “My Way or the Highway” approach, it’s because they don’t really know how to find a middle road. They feel awkward. They don’t know how to elicit a positive response. Because they already know all about goal orientation and goal achievement, in this incarnation they are learning to convey that knowledge in ways that empower others. Through this process their greatest happiness—and their own goals—are achieved.
Regardless of their role (boss, lover, employee, friend, etc.), Cancer North Node people are highly dependable—they always keep their word. They pride themselves on an unwavering devotion to taking responsibility and keeping commitments. However, in this incarnation, attachment to commitments can be carried to extremes. These natives make commitments when they are not even necessary and hold on to them even when it is no longer appropriate. They may sacrifice taking care of themselves and discount their own need for security simply for the sake of honoring a commitment.
For example, if they have agreed to attend a certain event, they are likely to show up even if they don’t feel well and going out worsens their condition. Or they may remain in a destructive marriage rather than choose a nurturing relationship because the marriage was their original commitment. Their word is their bond, and they don’t understand when other people don’t manifest the same value. Thus, they are often afraid to make agreements with other people, for fear that they will be trapped once they have given their word.
The idea of standing behind their word is valid, but attachment to that idea may put them out of touch with their instincts and the natural Flow that brings experiences that are emotionally satisfying and promote their personal growth. Cancer North Node people must not postpone pleasure for the sake of commitment. When the two appear to be at odds with each other, they must rethink the situation, deciding what is most important for them to experience. Ironically, when these folks follow their instincts and go for what they truly want, the situation ultimately works out better for the other people as well.
Cancer North Node people have a tremendous need for their feelings to be validated, to strengthen their awareness of feelings, and to give their own feelings a voice. These folks have come into this incarnation with the past-life habit of suppressing emotions. They may subconsciously set up their early environment so that it appears as though one of their parents is invalidating their feelings and discouraging them from letting others know how they feel. For instance, in the American culture nearly all little boys are told: “Be a man, don’t cry”—but Cancer North Node boys take this very seriously. Their parents may give them a hundred different instructions, but this is the one they hear the loudest. (This is an example of how past life patterns are brought through the form of the present life to cause a resurgence of traits that must be balanced and resolved in this incarnation.)
These folks must not neglect their personal needs or pretend their feelings do not exist. Their emotions have been repressed for so many lifetimes that now they constitute a huge mass of not-to-be-denied energy! Cancer North Nodes are scheduled to experience a personal life of caring and being cared for by others on an intimate level. Yet they’ve spent so much time suppressing their feelings that the idea of being emotionally vulnerable to others is frightening. “What? I should let others know how I feel? You’ve got to be kidding! Why should I expose my feelings and give others power over me?” They’re petrified because they’re accustomed to being in control. Yet honestly revealing their feelings is exactly what is scheduled to work for them. In this lifetime, in order for a rounding and softening of the personality to occur, their feelings must be validated.
Further suppression makes their feelings more insistent and more intimidating. The longer they avoid expressing their “feeling” nature, the more crippled they become. Cancer North Node people are learning to integrate their feelings with the other parts of themselves. One of the best techniques to do this is to walk through situations that are intimidating and experience the feelings that are evoked. In the process of acknowledging their feelings, the magnified intensity will dissipate.
The problem, however, is that Cancer North Node people have developed instinctive responses geared to avoid their feelings at all costs, so their emotions have become somewhat frozen. Life can be dry and boring, filled with outer achievements but devoid of inner meaning and satisfaction. Thus, in this lifetime one of their greatest challenges is to find the courage to get in touch with their feelings and communicate those feelings to others—honestly revealing their feelings without having to “do something” about them. This validates the natives’ emotions and allows them to be integrated with the rest of their personality.
Also, owing to past lives of suppressing their emotions, these folks came into this incarnation with a certain shyness. They feel unskilled in relating with others on a “feeling” level because they have had so little practice. However, once they get used to it, they realize they have more talent than any other nodal position for responding to others’ feelings in a way that is both nurturing and strengthening. It just takes a while for them to unfold to the point at which they are comfortable with this part of themselves.
NURTURING AND PASSION
Perhaps owing to past life monastic experiences, Cancer North Node people have a tremendous resistance to passion and an enormous capacity for self-control. They are programmed to “never lose control, never let themselves go.” Therefore, emotionally passionate relationships represent a tremendous challenge for them—and ultimately can set them free. They have spent so many lifetimes disassociated from natural human drives that when passion—the most intense of human sensations—confronts them, they react with fear. An automatic “disconnect” button is pressed, and they turn around and run the other way because they don’t want to lose control!
When these folks interact with someone who stimulates their passion, their primal urges become activated and threaten to take over. Since these urges have been suppressed, they now seem overwhelming and out of proportion in intensity. The irony is that what Cancer North Nodes fear most is also what they most want and need. They long to experience the nourishment and fulfillment that comes from a deep connection with another person. Nothing else in life will ultimately satisfy them. Sooner or later they must let go and allow their emotions to be stirred by another to experience completion in this lifetime. Passion can be their greatest source of pain and frustration, or the challenge that takes them beyond the limitations of internal controls and heals the painful boundaries they have erected between themselves and others.
Cancer North Node people have a tremendous need for a stable foundation from which to know they are loved and secure. They need to feel there’s something—someone—they can depend on and “go home to.” Deep down, they are looking for someone as strong and reliable as themselves to love them and take care of them. However, they need the nurturing and reassurance so much that when it’s offered, they are often afraid of losing it and seek to control it so they can keep it. The irony is that in trying to control it, they end up pushing away the very thing they need most.
As long as they seek that source of love and security outside themselves, they court disappointment. This is why, ultimately, they need to develop a sensitivity to their own needs. They need to “hug themselves”—give themselves nurturing and love before wanting it from someone else. They need to reassure themselves that “it’s going to be all right … don’t worry … I’ll take care of you.” In the process their energy (which is outer directed and goal oriented) begins to sink back inside themselves, and they are able to feel satisfied and nurtured.
When their own energy is centered, they can be vulnerable and sensitive toward others because they have taken care of their own needs and now are emotionally secure. When they don’t desperately need to be loved, other people are able to love them. When they give themselves reassurance, they gain enough inner confidence to be with others quietly without having to control, “look good,” or feel they have to “do something.” When they can simply “be,” they nurture others just from the fullness of being who they really are.
Owing to past incarnations of success and recognition, these folks come on the planet with a strong sense of inner pride. They’re used to considerable recognition for their achievements, and they want other people to feed that pride. The only problem is that they can never get enough recognition to feel satisfied. It’s always the next goal that, when achieved, will finally make them happy. They cannot win if they continue down this road.
At this point, their pride from past lives has become a wall of isolation around them. They are so accustomed to reaching their goals that they subconsciously look down on those who have not yet learned the art of achievement. This feeling of superiority alienates Cancer North Nodes from others. Their purpose in this lifetime is to teach others how to achieve their own goals; then they are “on track” and incredibly happy.
MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT
Cancer North Node people often are so attached to gaining respect from others that they subconsciously make life harder than it has to be—just so they can win recognition for their sacrifice. They often think that a task has to be hard in order to be worthwhile. They tell themselves how difficult it is until the whole situation becomes overwhelming and unmanageable. This is a self-defeating pattern.
The truth is that achievement is not difficult for these folks. Even as children, they reached their goals so effortlessly that they got no recognition from others. So they re-evaluated. Perhaps if the task were more difficult, others would give them more attention, sympathy, and recognition. So now, as adults, they may have problems they can’t overcome (weight, habits, finances, etc.). They truly believe these problems are insurmountable even though they are trying their best, and they may even feel victimized by their circumstances.
For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who was in her early forties. Her battle against being overweight had become a problem in her early twenties, but up to that point food hadn’t been an issue for her. Then, after a disappointing love affair, she gained 10 pounds. She immediately went on her first diet, followed the rules, and lost the weight effortlessly. She didn’t know it was supposed to be hard. Six months later a peer, whose respect she had been hoping to gain, pointed out that the diet this woman had followed was found to be a fraud. The peer talked about how difficult it was to lose weight. My client immediately regained the 10 pounds, added 20 more, and was 30 pounds overweight nearly all her young adult life. For years she felt utterly frustrated because, to her, being overweight had become an insurmountable problem.
As soon as this woman thought of her goal as “difficult”—and tied it in with wanting to gain respect—she lost her power of accomplishment. Fortunately, when I saw this woman again she had lost the 30 pounds and had maintained her weight for more than two years. She had simply decided to take charge of the problem and make reaching a desired weight her number one priority—and she put all her past life power of accomplishment behind it. She saved her money, spent her vacation at a “fat farm,” and followed its regimen to the letter after returning home.
When these folks finally decide to do something, they always have the discipline to rise above the problem. They must stop taking themselves so seriously, begin to take charge, and put their lives in order. It’s easy. They need to just “do it” and not make such a big deal out of it—regardless of whether anyone else respects them for it or approves of their method. Once they have taken charge, they are automatically on the alert—drawing in the people and ideas that can assist them in attaining their goal. And it’s to their advantage to achieve goals they have had for a long time, because it frees them to pursue new goals as they arise. These people will never run out of goals!
Cancer North Node people have very clear boundaries—in their own minds—beyond which others may not go. Their limits are not unreasonable. They need to be treated with a certain amount of consideration to feel good about themselves. The problem is that others don’t know where these boundaries are and thus may encroach on them unintentionally.
In response to feeling violated, these natives generally remain silent in the presence of the offender and then complain about it to everyone else. They need to learn to respond directly to the person they think is treating them disrespectfully. They need to say: “Stop! This is my boundary!” and let others know how they feel. This can be difficult, since they fear others emotional reactions and are afraid they won’t know how to respond if the other person gets upset. This may intimidate them and keep them from speaking directly, since they don’t want to have to justify their feelings. It’s enough to say: “Look, when you said that, it hurt my feelings.” Or in business situations, it’s enough to say: “Look, that’s how I want it.”
Cancer North Node people are still learning not to let anyone invalidate their feelings. Feelings are a personal matter; each person is the only one who can accurately describe what he or she is experiencing. For example, if I stub my toe among a crowd of people, I might say: “Gosh, I just stubbed my toe. It’s really throbbing.” One person might respond: “It doesn’t really hurt that much; I’ve stubbed my toe before.” But the fact is that I’m the authority: It’s my toe and I’m the only one who knows how it feels.
In the same way, no one can invalidate how a person feels emotionally. Only that person knows if he or she feels disappointed, hurt, insecure, or left out, just as only I know how much it hurts to stub my toe.
SECURITY AND FOUNDATIONS
These folks need to focus on connecting with their own foundation. In this way they will have a secure place to “be,” which is essential for them to experience authentic, deep sharing. Once they are in touch with their own foundation they can venture out and successfully interact with others. If the other people’s energy becomes too intense or disruptive, they can pull back into themselves. But if they haven’t connected with their own “home base,” they may inadvertently identify with other people’s foundations and try to control them in order to stabilize the relationship. When Cancer North Node people are in touch with the “home” inside their own body, they become more comfortable being around other people.
Purchasing a home is another avenue that can strengthen these folks’ sense of having a foundation. Sometimes, when we do something on a material level, it also produces emotional healing. This is the case with Cancer North Node people owning a home. Once their home environment is secure and comfortable, they feel more confident in accomplishing what they want in the world. Having a stable home is empowering for them. They feel more secure, more grounded, and safer just being themselves.
Actually, these people have excellent real estate karma and would do well in this field. As brokers or salespeople they gravitate to “good deals” and have the business acumen to know how to make the sale workable for everyone involved. They can see homes objectively, as a business, and are not distracted by the emotional considerations and feelings others have around “their homes.” They locate homes that fill their clients’ bottom-line needs (close to good schools, within a realistic price range, etc.). They sense what is important to the other person. They are also good at structuring deals creatively so that the purchases can take place, even when it seems impossible.
On a business/investment level, they are great at finding a “good real estate deal,” fixing up the property, and renting it out. In this way they are able to start a business that can grow as far as they want to take it. They know how a property can be used to its greatest financial advantage (for example, dividing a large home into separate apartments and renting them). However, their good real estate karma applies only to properties that already have a structure on them—not necessarily to bare land.
These folks have spent many lifetimes standing for causes outside themselves; now part of them feels nomadic. They are always on the go, looking for the next goal to achieve or project to undertake. Their deepest need is to feel comfortable and to feel they can relax because they belong. But it is difficult for them to think they truly “belong” anywhere; even with their families they often feel they don’t really “fit in.” The first step toward changing this is to gain a sense of belonging within themselves, which they can do by remaining true to their inner impulses.
For example, if Cancer North Node hears potentially upsetting gossip about a friend, his best bet is to get in touch with his instincts. Does he “feel” that the information is true or that there is any reason to be upset? If his gut feeling is calm, then he can trust it. Indeed, Cancer North Node people gain a sense of belonging when they trust themselves and follow their instincts. They also need to experience a feeling of belonging with others, which they can gain by letting others know when they feel vulnerable. This gives others the opportunity to open their arms and let these strong Cancer North Node people know how much they’re loved.
In this lifetime Cancer North Nodes’ feelings demand attention; they need to be around others who are sensitive and supportive. It is important for these natives to develop a technique for discriminating between those who care enough to be emotionally supportive of them and those who do not. The best technique is to honestly reveal how they feel when others take actions that affect them, and then see how the other person responds.
For example, if one of Cancer North Node’s friends has a party and doesn’t invite her, the best bet would be to tell the friend directly: “I felt left out when you didn’t invite me to your party.” No justification, no manipulation—simply an honest disclosure of her emotional response to the incident. If the friend says: “You shouldn’t have felt left out—I invited you to three parties last year!” and invalidates her feelings, that gives her a clue that she is dealing with someone who does not really care about how she feels. On the other hand, if the friend says: “I’m sorry you feel that way, and I can understand it, but in this particular case …” (and explains what happened), then Cancer North Node knows this is a person who responds to her feelings.
These folks tend to hide their feelings from others in intimate relationships. The irony is that this prevents them from developing the intimacy they seek and hinders them in establishing the interactions that would help them feel fulfilled. Intimacy is a by-product of revealing personal feelings and having those feelings understood and accepted by another. Feelings add fullness to life, and it is the birthright of Cancer North Node people to open themselves and experience the satisfaction of mutual caring on a deep, personal level.
For Cancer North Node people, the tendency to control is the major pitfall in their intimate relationships. It’s so automatic, they don’t even know they’re doing it. They are always two steps ahead, attempting to manage the other person’s behavior by mitigating their own. For example, if they sense that their partner feels trapped and is about to leave the relationship, they may take a vacation to give the other person more space so he or she will stay. They are all too willing to sacrifice their own feelings and needs for the sake of keeping those around them satisfied and “under control.” But when they do this, no one wins.
These folks are actually extremely sensitive to emotion, both their own and the emotional reactions of others. Others perceive them as being insensitive, but in fact they are too sensitive and don’t know how to handle the feelings that arise in themselves and others. Until they have developed a system that allows them to experience their “feeling” connections with other people with confidence and ease, their automatic response is to try and control either themselves or others because this eliminates the issue of how to deal with feelings. They try to organize their partners so they can control the relationship, but this bypasses the element of caring. Ultimately they feel alienated.
When Cancer North Node people are operating unconsciously, they often give more importance to maintaining a smooth working relationship and getting their way than to the moment-to-moment interplay of what’s actually going on. They may place severe limitations on their own behavior—acting the way they think their partner wants them to be—in order to control the situation. Their subconscious thinking is: “I’m allowing you to control me; therefore you will be what I want.” It’s all geared toward creating predictable, stable situations they can count on—at the expense of the vitality of true emotional sharing, connection, and intimacy with the other person.
Sometimes these folks perceive emotions as a weakness. When others become emotional, they close down and feel cold inside, as the emotions trigger their instinct of wanting to take advantage of all opportunities! When this occurs, their best bet is to consciously not take advantage of the situation. Their challenge is to simply be there without trying to assert control. Then, after they have relaxed, they will instinctively know what to do that will be genuinely helpful.
They are so accustomed to taking responsibility that they tend to think they are responsible for other people’s feelings. They think everything depends on them. Again, this can lead to suppression of their emotions so as not to upset the other person. But they are doing no one a favor by hiding who they really are and what they feel. In fact, hiding their feelings and fears prevents full restoration of the health of the situation. One of the greatest lessons Cancer North Node people are learning is to not suppress their own feelings for the sake of another person.
In fact, these folks must make sure their feelings are being acknowledged and their needs are being met. If they don’t take care of their own needs, they won’t be able to help others. In fact, when they do what they need to find happiness and fullness within themselves, they set their partners free and their relationships thrive.
Until Cancer North Node people have established their own emotional identity, they internalize the emotions of others: When those around them become upset, they become upset as well. Then they seek to control the other person so they can feel in control of themselves. They respond to a crisis with instant advice; in fact, they have a talent for helping others get on top of things. But owing to their habit of suppressing their own feelings, they tend to suppress others’ feelings as well. When someone becomes upset, their first instinct is to deny that person’s feelings and urge him or her to be calm and rational. These folks have compulsive tendencies to take charge and restore order—often before they have a full understanding of the situation. They need to avoid the temptation to give advice before they’re asked and instead focus on the nurturing, emotional energy they can share with others. They need to recognize and accept people’s fluctuating moods as part of the larger picture.
Sometimes these natives indulge in emotional outbursts—getting angry, “blowing up,” becoming insulted—as an avoidance of feelings and a way of bringing the situation to an end. Subconsciously, they use the outburst as a defense against feelings that are surfacing within them. They blow up and get over it right away, but in the meantime they’ve intimidated everyone and got them all back in line, so they don’t have to deal with the underlying feelings. Emotional outbursts can be another way of staying in control. Others don’t want to get into conflict, so they walk on eggshells around these folks—and once again, the natives feel lonely and isolated but don’t know why.
Subconsciously, Cancer North Node people are trying to avoid emotions because they don’t know how to handle them. One of their challenges is to learn to deal with situations in which they feel inadequate without becoming angry. One thing they can do is to consciously be more patient with the person facing them. They could be curious about the other person and ask questions to better understand the situation. When they begin to see the larger picture, they are usually able to reach an agreement without running roughshod over everyone’s feelings in the process. Sometimes their caring about the other person’s position relaxes the resistance, and the other person will help them figure out how to get what they want. Because in this incarnation Cancer North Nodes are learning to relate to others on a “feeling” level, rather than a mental level, they need to slow down. In order to offer suggestions that others will be receptive to hearing, they first need to establish emotional rapport. This takes time. Once the other person feels understood emotionally, he or she will be open to the advice these folks have to give.
Cancer North Node people are long-standing achievers who give excellent advice. When they hear a problem, their focus on success and resolution is so strong that they automatically see a successful, practical solution. Ironically, they often attract people who have the problems they themselves need to learn about in their own lives. By listening to the answers that flow through them to nurture others, they will know what they must do themselves. This also helps them feel connected.
The choice facing Cancer North Node people is one of control versus caring. Whenever they respond to a situation with the motive of control, they lose. Whenever they respond from a position of caring and wanting to be supportive, they win. Thus, an important thing to do before making a telephone call about which they feel insecure, or before interfering in a situation, is to take a moment and identify their motive. In this way they can know if they are on solid ground in taking action. If they are coming from a place of genuine concern about the other person, when they interact the other person will feel it and respond accordingly.
Cancer North Node people don’t realize how controlling they appear to others. They come into this lifetime fixated on accomplishing whatever needs to be done, and they often are so absorbed in the task at hand that they are unaware of the feelings of the people involved. Then, when others become upset, these natives feel isolated and don’t understand what happened.
For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who bought a home in a condominium. She wanted to help make sure her community was running smoothly, so she volunteered to be one of the grounds supervisors. Her job was to “walk the grounds” once a week and issue citations to residents who were breaking community rules (parking where they shouldn’t, playing the radio too loud, etc.). She took her job very seriously, and soon she had lots of enemies. She was so focused on doing the job that she forgot to consider how people might feel about receiving citations. Cancer North Nodes are learning to consider the other person’s perspective and think about how they themselves would feel if positions were reversed. This helps them gain confidence in knowing how to interact with others in ways that bring successful results.
Owing to past life authoritarian experiences, they sometimes appear to be “all business” to others. This is a loss for both sides: Both people feel uncomfortable relating to each other. The problem is that Cancer North Node people assume that everyone wants the same things they want, so they don’t care what it takes as long as the goal is accomplished. But other people don’t think that way—much to these natives’ surprise—and may not be clear on how the “order” they just received fits into their plans. They may need an explanation of how their task is part of the larger picture. Others have not been as goal oriented as Cancer North Nodes in past lives, and they may not see the strategies that are so obvious to these natives. Therefore, Cancer North Nodes must slow down and take the time to communicate; and sometimes they must be willing to not know the answer.
For example, in the case of the woman with the condominium, rather than issuing a citation right off the bat she might have gone to the “offender,” made sure the rule had been understood, and discussed why the rule was to everyone’s advantage. She might have asked how the “offender” would enforce the rule. Cancer North Nodes need to be willing to not come from an “on top” position; they should allow others to offer suggestions for getting the job done. In this situation the “offender” may have said: “Don’t worry, I’ll move the car right now so you won’t have to issue a citation. Thank you for letting me know!” The idea is that there’s more to life than “getting the job done”—there’s the satisfaction of connecting with others in mutually helpful ways.
What Cancer North Node people really want in their relationships is to feel secure and know they are loved for who they are. Yet they make this almost impossible because when they don’t reveal themselves, how can others know them and love them? The greatest challenge for these folks is to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Taking the risk of revealing their feelings establishes their emotional identity for themselves as well as for the other person, but to them it feels as if their very survival is on the line—it’s overwhelming! Yet these are the very steps they must take to be happy, relate successfully with people, and feel at home.
These folks can be real loners. They’re so afraid to acknowledge their feelings that it’s hard to risk letting other people get close. They don’t want to get hurt. What they are learning, however, is that fear of getting hurt is far worse than actually experiencing their most intense feelings. They shy away from their feelings because they are unfamiliar; but as they practice revealing them, they’ll find a new depth to their life and a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Feelings add color and substance to life—a whole realm of personal enjoyment without which life on this planet would be dry, flat, and forlorn.
Cancer North Node people fear being overcome by feelings and losing control. However, they never have to worry about being permanently overpowered by their feelings because they have no desire to be irresponsible. Even if they were to find themselves swept in a negative direction, they could always escape by simply exercising their innate ability to take charge. They are learning to trust that feelings are temporary—like the tides of the ocean. If experienced and released, they offer a constant variety of moods and sensations.
Feelings add a dimension to life that makes possible a complete connection with others. To connect with others only through the mind leaves relationships painfully lacking. In this lifetime, these people are learning that when they take others’ feelings into account, they gain an expanded appreciation of all the subtle facets of the other person. And by sharing their own feelings, Cancer North Nodes give the other person a more complete appreciation of themselves.
For example, if a Cancer North Node person is feeling very affectionate toward someone but doesn’t show it, there is no communication. But if she does show it, then both people have the opportunity of connecting on the same wavelength. Feelings are conveyed through body language as well as words. If these folks are feeling affectionate, it is not a mistake to follow their impulse by hugging the other person or taking his hand.
Their subconscious urge to control often keeps them “in check,” always doing what’s “correct,” but this only postpones the reality of what they are feeling. They may spend a lot of time in manipulative thinking: “If I do this, this will happen; if I do that, that will happen”—it all becomes strategy. But they ultimately out-manipulate themselves and miss opportunities to enjoy the “feeling” side of life until they learn to trust their feelings to guide them in their relationships.
In this incarnation, Cancer North Node people must let honesty be the bottom line, rather than what is “socially acceptable.” These folks are learning that when feelings are not communicated and acted on, there is no “endless opportunity.” Emotions must be acknowledged when they arise. These folks must not think themselves out of acting on their feelings. This may be a solitary path, in that most people would not recommend that anyone always honestly communicate what’s going on. But for these folks, authenticity is the only correct path.
Cancer North Node people need to ask themselves: If a relationship isn’t based on a truthful connection, what is at the core to see the partners through the tough times? These folks want and need to experience intimacy; the way to create it is to be vulnerable rather than controlling. It may be easier to express positive feelings, but they need to remember that their intention in communicating fear, sadness, concern, frustration, anger, or insecurity is not to justify or prolong these feelings, but to expose them so they can be released. When these natives suppress such feelings, it doesn’t work.
Other nodal positions may not have a problem being themselves and letting others see how they feel, but for Cancer North Node people it is a challenge that requires a great deal of courage. They need to reveal and communicate their true feelings. They must express feelings verbally, with no other motive than disclosing their inner selves. Then, if the other person invalidates them in any way, they will know it is a person with whom they cannot share a true affinity. However, this approach gives those with whom the natives can develop nurturing, warm supportive relationships a chance to know them.
In past lives, because Cancer North Node people were always the responsible ones, they had to be able to justify everything they said or did. They became wary of speaking before they had considered all the possible repercussions. The good news is that in this incarnation these folks don’t have to justify anything—they have permission from the universe to simply be who they are and share what they feel, without taking responsibility for how others respond. They don’t even have to know why they feel what they feel; yet sometimes the process of communicating feelings gives them insight into what is going on or gives the other person an understanding that promotes constructive feedback.
All Cancer North Node people have to do is communicate what they know at the time. For example: “I’m feeling uneasy with what you said, but I’m not sure why.” “When you said that, I started to feel angry. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to let you know what’s going on.” “I feel nervous, and I seem to be responding by talking a lot.” “I know this is what we agreed on, but as the situation has unfolded, I feel uneasy with the agreement.” Regardless of what they fear will happen, when these natives actually risk sharing their feelings and let others see where they’re coming from, the situation will resolve in a mutually empowering way. Cancer Node people had a complicated pattern of past lives, yet it’s a simple path of Right Action for them in this lifetime.
For these folks, security and confidence come from a conscious motive of supporting others. When this support is clearly based in equality, their relationships thrive. However, they had so little traditional family experience in past lives that they tend to get “stuck” in playing one role only: the authoritarian/dictator/“father” type. They are so accustomed to responsibility, organization, and control that they think others can’t take charge as well as they do. Thus, when an emergency (or even the hint of an emergency) arises, they jump right in and start organizing everyone—it’s automatic!
Cancer North Node people always want to know where others are going and what they’re doing because they’re so accustomed to taking responsibility for every situation. But they’re learning that there’s a difference between support and usurping the responsibility for others’ lives. One of their challenges is to understand the foibles of others without making judgments or trying to correct the situation.
To counteract the tendency to play the “father” role, one of their best bets—male or female—is to allow themselves to assume a nurturing, supportive “mother” role. For balance, these folks need to learn from the feminine role: receiving energy and responding authentically from the heart. This softens them and allows others to receive and benefit from their energy. Cancer North Nodes need to understand other people in terms of their insecurities, not just in terms of their authority; then they won’t feel intimidated and can relate as equals.
Here is an example of the father/mother contrast. When others become upset, the “dominating father” aspect of Cancer North Nodes tends to tell the other person what to do to dispel the negative feelings. They inadvertently invalidate others’ feelings (this is also the way they treat themselves), but it causes others to feel unacknowledged and unnurtured. In this lifetime, Cancer North Node people are learning to develop empathy. They must listen to others and understand their pain, just as a mother understands the pain of her child; their understanding will help heal the wound. To say to the child “I’ll kiss it and make it better” is not as logical as saying: “Next time, avoid putting yourself in that situation and you won’t get hurt.” Yet the first message of comfort is what others need, and what they need from themselves. After acknowledging the pain, so the other person knows they care, they can make practical suggestions that will be useful.
In past lives, others gave them recognition and acknowledgment for their achievements. In this lifetime, they need to turn the process around and give others support and encouragement. These folks are here to fill other people’s needs; as they do so, they grow and gain security themselves. In going out of their way to help others, they automatically meet their own needs. They are nurtured and fulfilled in the process of nurturing others.
Above all other feelings, Cancer North Node people absolutely cannot handle rejection. Although they are learning to be sensitive to others’ feelings, they came on the planet being overly sensitive to their own feelings. Thus, they have an exaggerated reaction to any hint of rejection, and they take everything very personally. The key is to be more objective—less focused on self and more aware of how to respond to other people’s immediate needs.
For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who was part owner of a steakhouse. If a customer sent back a steak that wasn’t cooked well enough, he took it personally. His position was: “Well, I cooked it right; what’s wrong with the customer?” When these folks focus on the issue of their adequacy in any situation, they are always on the defensive. They must sidestep the ego and be more receptive to what they can do to nurture the other person. When their focus is on doing their best to make others feel supported and cared about, everyone wins and the energy soars.
Feelings are an important part of our identity. What makes you cry may be very different from what stimulates tears in your sister or your friend. Our feelings are a personal characteristic, and when Cancer North Node people express their feelings, they begin to let others know who they truly are. Often they think others don’t see who they are or allow them to be themselves. Actually, they are the ones who don’t allow others to really know them, because they are afraid they will seem different. The amazing thing is that when they finally reveal themselves and risk being ostracized, they discover that they truly belong.
When these folks speak from their hearts—from the overflow of emotions welling up inside—it is endearing to others, who inevitably respond with empathy and support. The irony is that what feels the most personal to Cancer North Nodes is actually the most impersonal. How the world views things and how they look to others seems very personal to them because ego gets into the middle of it. But when they express their feelings and gut instincts, the ego isn’t involved at all. It’s instinctive—so how can they take credit for it? It’s not emanating from their thinking process; it’s just an honest reaction.
Cancer North Node people have tremendous integrity from past lives. They need to hold on to this honesty in terms of revealing their inner process and letting others know how they feel. Owing to many incarnations playing a prominent role in society and being on display, these folks are used to “being someone”—pretending to “have it all together” in order to fill a social need. However, in this lifetime their feelings are so strong that they demand recognition. They may seem cold or businesslike to others, but this is because they are subconsciously trying to deny their feelings in order to appear “on top of things.” By now, blocking their feelings is automatic; but to be happy in this incarnation, they must reprogram that response.
One way to accomplish this is to slow down and take time to listen to themselves. Generally, when they feel something they ignore it or act directly against it. Now they need to deliberately retrain themselves. The idea is not to be pressed into communicating feelings immediately, but to take enough time to let the feeling come and then to communicate it. This is new for Cancer North Node people—like learning to walk or talk—so they need to be patient. As they experiment, they’ll find the people around them magically supporting their new behavior. It stimulates others and brings more closeness to their relationships, creating true intimacy rather than shallow, long-term connections.
Owing to many past lifetimes of being rewarded for suppressing their feelings, Cancer North Node people tend to perceive feelings as a weakness. But feelings have nothing to do with being weak; they simply reflect a reaction in the body. Can Cancer North Nodes say: “Because I’m incredibly happy, I’m weak”? No; it’s just another feeling.
Instincts will never lead these folks astray. Often their emotional responses promote unity in their interactions or are an accurate prophecy of times to come. Cancer North Nodes’ fear is that they’re not in control—they might be wrong. But they shouldn’t let that fear stop them. They have to say: “This is what I’m perceiving right now; this is what I’m feeling.” Their instincts are always correct. It’s also “good karma” when they allow themselves to show emotion publicly. For these people, emotion is positive and healing; when they let their feelings show, it endears them to others and often heals the situation for all concerned.
Cancer North Node people have an instinct for achievement, so they can use it to their advantage by making their goal the thing that challenges them the most: honest disclosure of their feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities. They must learn to do this in order to create a bond of empathy with others. If at first they are too shy to let someone know how they feel, they can begin by writing a letter. Or, if at the decisive moment they suddenly “forget” what they wanted to say, they can write notes to prompt their memory.
Their aim must be honest communication of their “feeling” responses in a responsible, nonblaming way. For example: “When you didn’t keep your promise and call me yesterday, I felt insecure and frustrated—I had turned down another invitation because I told you I would wait for your call.” These folks need to communicate the facts of what happened and then relay the feelings they experienced in response to those facts. Then they need to stop talking and give the other person an opportunity to respond. They must slow down the process and give the interaction an appropriate beginning—a space in which two people can tune in to each other—rather than immediately focusing on results.
Often Cancer North Node people are annoyed that they always have to be the strong ones—the ones others rely on for help. They may be resentful because they have no one to turn to for advice in their own times of need. To allow themselves to always be “on top” becomes an ego trip that makes them feel separate from others. The key is to allow themselves to be helped, as well as helping others.
However, when they do accept help, it’s usually in a dramatic way: “Okay—I would like to use your car today, but don’t worry—I’ll have it back to you in exactly two hours, not a moment later!” Subsequently they overemphasize how responsible they were in getting the car back, rather than accepting and appreciating the other person’s support. They are learning to accept help and caring from others with thankfulness and love. They are learning that interdependence is not a form of weakness but, rather, that it promotes a sense of belonging with others that adds depth to their lives.
If these folks don’t reveal their insecurities, they deprive others of the opportunity to support them and give back to them. Only when they communicate their fears and feelings of inadequacy do others become aware of their needs. Then people have the opportunity to help them, take care of them, and pamper them—all valid experiences for Cancer North Nodes in this lifetime. For many other nodal groups, being taken care of would be an ego trip. But for Cancer North Nodes it is actually more of an ego trip to not allow it. Changing this is a healthy experience of humility and an exchange of energy that is empowering for all concerned.
In accepting help, Cancer North Node people may feel uneasy because they think they are not being completely responsible. Actually, by including other people and allowing them to help, they validate the worth of the other person. Once they learn that people like to help, their entire worldview will change.
FOCUSING ON PROCESS
Cancer North Node people have had so much past-life experience in reaching goals that this lifetime often becomes a series of achieving one goal after another, without experiencing the joy of the process. No matter how much they attain, it isn’t satisfying. They are overachievers, postponing appreciation of the moment and the abundance around them in lieu of striving to reach the next goal.
In past lives they achieved maximum success, so it is not set up in this lifetime for them to find happiness through reaching goals. Now the process is important; happiness will come through the enjoyment of getting there. They must pay more attention to beginnings, nurturing things and seeing them grow. They still may reach goals that are far beyond the accomplishments of others, but they will have done it in the right way—in a way that was fun and nurturing for themselves and for those around them.
ENDS VERSUS MEANS
This is not an “ends justifies the means” lifetime for Cancer North Node people. To feel secure, they need to stay in touch with process rather than striving to reach the goal. This will also prevent them from inadvertently abusing, exploiting, or hurting people emotionally. There still may be times when the instinct for control sets in and they try to manage their lives from their minds, but they need to remember how much pain it causes.
Cancer North Nodes’ tendency to sacrifice the process for the end result also leads to a lack of energy, vitality, and personal enjoyment. For example, rather than focusing on the goal of having a successful marriage, they should focus on the process of creating a successful marriage. They need to take rime to notice whether their partner is enjoying the relationship. The goal may be to have a mutually supportive, happy marriage through the means of revealing feelings and creating closeness, with each partner letting the other see who they really are. Then the end result (a successful marriage) is the natural outcome of their day-to-day process.
They are learning that if they take care of the little things, the big things will take care of themselves. Others may not understand their preoccupation with integrity in each step of the process (others may be learning about achieving long-range goals), but Cancer North Nodes, who are masters at worldly achievement, must be true to themselves and to their process. When they take care of the “little things” (for example, honest communication of feelings; awareness of others’ feelings; staying emotionally connected with the situation; proceeding one step at a time in a caring way), they are truly on the path of Right Action.
Cancer North Node people must remain aware of the fact that whether or not what they are doing is understood, validated, or respected by others, they are spiritually correct. Only they know how difficult it is for themselves to be vulnerable; when they are true to themselves in this way they gain self-respect regardless of others’ opinions. This fosters a new strength that brings them an incredible, calm courage in dealing with worldly life. When they maintain integrity in their process, what they accomplish will be emotionally satisfying far beyond their expectations.
GOALS FOR SATISFACTION
Because Cancer North Node people have such ability to attain goals, it’s important that they distinguish between their own goals and those imposed by society or early environmental conditioning. Their goals make them happy through the process itself. One goal that will help replace frustration with happiness is to recognize that “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”—to learn to appreciate what life has already brought. Their subconscious goal orientation always prompts them to seek satisfaction in “the next thing”; as a result, they don’t enjoy the bounty they already have. When they consciously recognize and appreciate what they have, it provides energy for further achievement in a balanced way.
Another goal that can bring deep satisfaction to Cancer North Node people is to focus on achieving emotional connectedness and intimacy in relationships. This empowers them to slow down their process and keep their awareness on themselves and the other person. It means maintaining awareness of the importance of feelings as part of the fullness of life.
One way they can do this (which will also bring greater security in unfamiliar situations) is to focus on shifting the center of energy in their bodies. Cancer North Node people usually keep their vital energy centered from the shoulders up to the top of their heads—they are “top heavy” and lack a sense of inner substance. These folks need to bring the energy down into their lower abdomen (the area below the belly button). Walking through the day with an awareness of the power center within will make their sense of value an internal, quiet factor that is sustaining, nurturing, and complete within themselves, regardless of others’ opinions. When they move the energy down to the lower abdomen, centering occurs and their hearts begin to open.
This allows them to learn an entirely new way of responding to the emotional frustrations of others. They have always felt uncomfortable with negative emotions and at a loss to comfort the other person. Their first response has been to ignore or suppress the feelings and go right for the goal of resolution—so the person will be back “on top” of things. But the magic is that if they make their goal to validate what the other person is feeling, to acknowledge the emotion and empathize, then they will see the appropriate response that will actually support the other person and deepen the bond between them.
For example, I had a client with this nodal position who was dating a man she liked very much. They both lived in New York, where there was a lot of social activity. He once called her in a state of boredom and frustration while on a business trip to Minneapolis. She didn’t know what to say to cheer him up, and it was a short conversation. What she might have said in response to his restlessness was: “I’m sorry to hear that.” Immediately—as soon as these natives validate and empathize with the other person’s feelings, the right thing to say occurs to them. In this instance, it might have been: “Maybe I should fly right out and join you for the weekend.” In this case, the response would have created a win/win situation. But these folks will never know the “right thing” to say in emotional situations until they first acknowledge and validate the feelings that others share.
Cancer North Node people are learning how to communicate with others in ways that are comforting and supportive. They must learn to give people the benefit of the doubt, thereby bringing out the best in them. For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who was part owner of a large restaurant in the Southwest. His chief chef turned out to be an alcohol abuser (which wasn’t apparent when he was hired), and after several months on the job the cook ended up in jail for three days. Following his release, the cook returned to the restaurant. Good chefs were hard to come by, and my client needed him. The other owner greeted him enthusiastically: “Hey, John—nice to have you home!” But my client was aloof. As long as he was going to take him back, why not make the cook feel valued? These folks are working on acknowledging when they need someone.
Cancer North Node people are so innately aware of how to accomplish their goals in the material world (what it takes, how the world works, how business works) that they often assume others have the same knowledge. But there is no other nodal group with as great an awareness of how to accomplish a goal, no matter how lofty. One of Cancer North Nodes’ purposes on the planet in this lifetime is to teach others how to attain goals.
With their lifetimes of experience in this area, these natives immediately notice when others are subconsciously sabotaging themselves, indulging in counterproductive behavior, or allowing themselves to be distracted by lesser concerns. They also see clearly how the problems can be resolved—how others can position themselves to reach their goal. When they see another person’s needs, they can use their innate practicality to help make that person’s dream come true.
When Cancer North Node people see someone acting in ways that are counterproductive, rather than “punishing them” their job is to teach them in a nurturing way how to reach their goals. One of the best ways these folks can participate with others is to help them identify their goals, and then encourage them to “go for it.” When they ate sensitive to others’ needs in this way, they shift from a “dictator father” role to a “nurturing mother” role and can reach people far more effectively. When they are more understanding and supportive, their confidence brings out the best in the others.
In the example of the chef, my client could have taken the time to get to know him better. Why was he a chef? What did he want to accomplish? What did he want to gain by working at that particular restaurant? If the chef’s motive was to make a good living for his wife and child, and his reason for being at that restaurant was to build a good reputation, my client would have known how to motivate him in a supportive way.
Patience is another attribute that Cancer North Node people are cultivating. Their job is to teach by demonstrating—cheering the other person on. They are such master achievers from past lives that when they take on the role of an understanding teacher, others listen.
SENSITIVITY AND SHARING
Owing to past-life suppression of personal feelings, the “feeling” nature in Cancer North Node people has become purified. There is no “hidden agenda”; their emotions are an innocent, natural response. Quite often when they express themselves, everyone else heaves a sigh of relief. Their “feeling” nature is quite open, and often they “pick up” the feelings of those around them. This is why it is healthy to share their feelings in a responsible way: “I’m feeling uneasy in this situation”; “I felt uncomfortable when you said that—it didn’t feel like a fair response that took everyone’s needs into account.” When they risk verbalizing their feelings, everyone is healed and released from emotional inhibition. In group situations, others may come up to them and say: “I’m so glad you said that! That’s exactly what I was feeling, but I didn’t know how to verbalize it.” When that happens, it’s the universe validating that they are “on path”—that responsibly verbalizing their feelings in a nonblaming way was exactly the ingredient needed to clear the way for their goal to be reached.,
In disavowing their emotional bodies in past lives, Cancer North Node people disconnected themselves from the advantages of being human. In some ways, they may not even feel part of the human race. They understand purpose, accomplishment, responsibility—but for what? Where is the reward—the true value—in the experience of being human? It is in the nurturing and delicate feelings one experiences from the emotional self. Every outer experience is empty without the inner emotional charge that results from it. And to share those feelings with another is the most exhilarating and exquisite of experiences.
In dissociating from their feelings, these folks are missing the contentment and sense of belonging that are inherent in recognizing—and claiming—an emotional connectedness with humankind. They have earned the right to claim the benefits and pleasures of being part of the human family, rather than being responsible for it. It is perfectly appropriate for them to slow down and reap the most nurturing reward of having a human body: the experience of feeling.