or North Node in the 7th House
ATTRIBUTES TO DEVELOP
Work in these areas can help uncover hidden gifts and talents
Diplomacy and tact
Increasing awareness of others’ needs
Selflessness: giving support without expecting reciprocity
Creating win/win situations
Seeing things through another’s eyes
TENDENCIES TO LEAVE BEHIND
Working to reduce the influence of these tendencies can help make life easier and more enjoyable
Lack of awareness of others’ needs for support
Lack of good judgment regarding money
Expecting others to be like oneself
Indifference to how one is seen by others
Resistance to compromise
Outbursts of anger
Over Concern with survival
The Achilles’ heel Libra North Node people need to be aware of is selfishness (“My survival depends on looking out for myself first, and others should make sure my needs are met regardless of anyone else’s concerns”). But it’s a bottomless pit: If they feel that others have to constantly fill their needs for them to feel safe and connected, they will find that they always need more attention and energy just to feel okay. They need to find partners whom they can give to, who will feel so energized that they naturally fill Libra North Node’s cup in appreciation. Satisfaction lies in connecting with people who see them for who they are, appreciate them, and want to give back to them.
The trap they need to avoid is an unending search for independence (“If I can just be self-sufficient enough, I’ll have the confidence to relate successfully with others and I won’t feel so lonely”). Life has shown Libra North Node people that accomplishments and independence do not make them feel complete. The bottom line is that they’ll never feel a strong enough sense of self to become part of a team. At some point they need to take the risk of losing themselves in supporting another person. The irony is that once they start unselfishly supporting someone else, they begin to feel the joy and glory of their true self shining through.
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
What you really want is to be their own person, to be the center of attention, to discover themselves in different life situations, and to surround themselves with people who feed them energy. To achieve this, Libra North Node people need to refocus their attention away from themselves and discover the nature of the people who have been drawn to them. Once they discern which people truly admire them and want to support them, and once they begin to feed those people energy, the energy that comes back to them will create the situation they want.
These people are fantastic counselors, diplomats, and peacemakers. They have the gift of clearly seeing and successfully communicating the identity and concerns of person A to person? (and vice versa) in a way that prompts mutual understanding and fair, harmonious compromises. Libra North Node people also excel in fields involving beauty and art, and they make great entertainers or public speakers when their goal is to uplift, energize, and bring confidence to their audience. They are extremely gifted and can be successful—both materially and personally—in any profession involving a supportive role.
Libra North Node people have innate gifts of independence and leadership through their awareness of themselves as separate entities. When they use their past-life gift of self-confidence as a tool for peacemaking and helping establish justice for others, their innate abilities create positive results. However, if they pursue professions that have their own independence as the aim, they may become dissatisfied and feel they have never reached their goal. When they use their strong self-identity to support others, Libra North Node people gain a sense of inner satisfaction and completion.
“When I focus on supporting others, I feel confident.”
“When I successfully stimulate self-confidence in others, we both win.”
“When the team is successful, I win.”
“When I share with others, I have more.”
Lifetimes of personal achievement, self-sufficiency, and independent action result in a consciousness that is unaware of team effort and partnership. Libra North Node people have had too many incarnations enacting the role of the warrior. A warrior on the battlefield isn’t concerned about anyone else, only with staying alive and killing the enemy. If he even glances at a comrade, his body can be destroyed. Thus, his entire consciousness is geared toward himself: his body, his fighting ability, his position relative to survival.
These people now have an exaggerated survival urge and a “me versus you” mentality. It’s all they know. They are competitive, goal oriented, and tactical, always aware of how they will be affected by what they do or by what’s going on. They yearn to be with others, to love others and to feel loved, but they don’t know how. They are afraid to release their strong grip on their sense of self, because they fear “the battle” may begin at any time and they must be strong and on their guard to survive.
But these folks need to recognize that this is not a warrior lifetime. No one is out to destroy them or take things away from them. They need to notice that there are comrades on all sides. Their job in this lifetime is to help others win battles; and in helping others, Libra North Node people win.
Throughout all those warrior lifetimes, these folks lost touch with love, with the ability to work with other people. Thus, they came into this lifetime feeling awkward about cooperation and relating to others. But they shouldn’t worry, because their entire chart is set up to reconnect with people. As long as they are clear about where they’re going, old habits won’t get in their way. In fact, this entire lifetime is about partnership for them—and there will be no lack of opportunity to get it straight, because opportunities for marriages and partnerships will come to them easily.
Owing to past-life warrior experiences, Libra North Node people have developed a “no questions asked—no nonsense” discipline that is foreign to those in other nodal groups. Their past lives in the military stressed orderliness with dress and personal possessions, so these folks come into this incarnation valuing organization in their environments and in their lives. They have a strong tolerance for discipline and harsh limitations, and they think others should be willing to endure the same punishment and deprivation. It’s hard for them to understand when others won’t accept the same restraints and sacrifices that they are willing to shoulder—a factor that undermines their relationships.
No other nodal group has the same capacity for taking constructive action under conditions of strict personal discipline and deprivation. Actually, Libra North Node people thrive on the challenge of personal survival under adverse circumstances. It’s a “high” for them! The intense drama of striving to reach a goal through personal sacrifice, harnessing their resources, being put to the test, and emerging victorious gives them a sense of personal validation.
These folks have such a strong sense of self that they imagine everyone is just like them, and subconsciously, they are looking for someone who is just like them to be their partner. They can become very frustrated and feel shortchanged when the other person does not exhibit the same qualities.
One of the lessons Libra North Node people are learning in this lifetime is the beauty of individual differences. Who they are and what they have to offer in a relationship may be very different from who the other person is and what he or she has to offer. The challenge is to pay attention to individual differences and to appreciate the strengths that others bring to the relationship. For this to occur, they first must re-examine their definition of strength.
Owing to so many incarnations spent in the warrior mode, their definition of strength usually includes only the following: courage, intense effort, willingness to sacrifice and endure deprivation, 100 percent goal-focused orientation, insistence on immediate results, discipline, impulsive initiative (the hero mentality), high-energy modes, and willingness to take personal risks.
Yet there are other strengths that these folks do not have that partners may bring into their lives. These include the ability to appreciate the process of reaching the goal (which can slow down Libra North Node people and give them more staying power); communication skills (which can create rapport and understanding); empathy (which can make Libra North Node people finally feel like they belong); playfulness (which can make the process of reaching a goal enjoyable); analytical abilities and a capacity for working with details; diplomacy; sensitivity to others’ needs; the ability to create synergy (which can enormously empower both parties); a sense of adventure; managerial skills; creativity and inventiveness; and the capacity for compassion (which can heal Libra North Node people).
In this incarnation, Libra North Node people need to partner with others for success and fulfillment. To receive the benefits of partnership, their challenge is to appreciate how others are different from them.
Libra North Node people have a penchant for angry outbursts, which they must learn to leave behind. They have a temper like that of a child. When they don’t get their way, they throw a tantrum to force the other person to go along with them. If the other person resists, they escalate the situation until they get their way.
However, creating win/lose situations does not work for these folks. In the long run, such situations only isolate them from the very people with whom they want to be close. When they “win” by getting their way at another’s expense, they pay the price—the other person will close down and withdraw, not wanting to be vulnerable to such violent tactics. Libra North Node people may emerge all smiles, totally unaware of the damage they have done to the other person. They think the other person should be happy for them because, after all, they did “win.” They will experience many bitter lessons until they learn that nobody wins through intimidation and temper. Victories won by attacking others result in those people not wanting to be involved with Libra North Nodes anymore, and thereafter the mutual exchange, energy, and admiration that these folks so covet vanish from their relationships.
These folks tend to be swift decision makers. They are accustomed to immediate action, since they take only themselves and their own goals into account. They are usually unaware of their effect on other people, and without realizing it they may use people to further their own goals. This has bad repercussions for Libra North Node people, however, because it’s very painful for others.
When these folks make decisions without allowing other people to support them, they may fail to get the things they want because they have discounted the benefit of others’ energies and ideas. Before taking action, they should remember to consciously include others in their decisionmaking processes. Part of their reluctance to include others comes from the former battlefield mentality that “people are basically against me.” Much of this false thinking can be resolved through an understanding of proper communication—how to check in with others in a way that is mutually beneficial. I once had a client with this nodal position who confessed to me: “I’m so busy working on my marriage by myself that I can’t see my husband, I can’t hear him, I don’t know who he is!” It would be much easier for these folks to just check in with the other person.
Lack of consideration in decision making can cause Libra North Node people a lot of unnecessary pain. They may be so afraid of not getting their way that they are ruthless in campaigning for what they want. They may fear that if they hesitate for a moment to engage another person in making plans, the other person will block their course of action. What they don’t understand is that considering others does not mean abandoning their agenda. It does mean caring about the other person’s concerns and being willing to work toward a compromise that satisfies both parties.
For example, I had a client who was in a relationship with a Libra North Node native. They had been living together monogamously for nearly a year. One day the Libra North Node said he had to leave and would be back late that night. She was very intuitive and got a psychic picture that caused her to say: “David—you’re going to make love to somebody else!” He became angry with her (these folks don’t lie easily, and they tend to get upset when they are caught). She started asking questions, trying to understand what was going on, but he was so intent on his goal that he refused to take the time to talk with her. He didn’t want to be late for his appointment with the other woman, so he left the matter unresolved. Hours later he called her with profuse apologies: He had made a mistake, he loved her, she was the only one for him, it would never happen again. But it was too late—her heart had closed to him and she had already decided to leave.
According to my client, it was not the event that caused her heart to close, it was the way the Libra North Node had handled it. She couldn’t forgive that he did not care enough about her feelings to talk out the situation with her. When these folks close themselves to input from their partners, everyone loses.
Libra North Node people can be overly concerned with survival, but in this lifetime such a focus is inappropriate. They’ve already learned how to survive; now they are here to help other people, to infuse them with the energy and confidence that will make the others stronger. In giving, the Libra North Node people gain tremendous self-confidence and peace.
These folks need to apply everything they learned as warriors and use it constructively in relationships with others. This means putting down their weapons and looking around to see how their comrades are doing. Does the person next to them need a pat on the back before going into battle? Their job is to empower other people to win. And no one is better equipped to help others win than Libra North Node.
Libra North Node people must guard against a tendency for narcissism. They put on a front of being in control and having qualities that others admire. Others give them compliments and they feel good, but they are always secretly afraid that who they really are and what they really like may run counter to their projected image. Sometimes they gather people around them who are acceptable for their “look.” For example, I had a client with this nodal position who was attracted to very heavy women, but he would never let any of his friends find out because he was afraid of their ridicule. He kept his real desire a secret because it didn’t fit the image of himself he wanted to project.
These folks like it when others compliment their looks; so they act out what they think the desired stereotype is, and expect people to see this and feed their ego. Wanting to be attractive to others, they manipulate their image to be what they think will attract the other person. But this process prevents them from gaining a true sense of inner confidence through knowing that others love and accept them as they are. They will never learn this unless they take the risk of revealing themselves.
Libra North Node people are in danger of indulging in self-love—and excluding others who could expand their true sense of security. They may have a tendency to be concerned only with their own happiness or fall victim to vanity—such as keeping themselves in prime physical condition for the purpose of winning the best that life has to offer. Their values can be naively superficial. But in this lifetime, they are scheduled to gain an expanded sense of their own soul by truly loving another person as much as they love themselves.
Overconcern with self, self-sufficiency, and self-preservation will function as Libra North Nodes’ basic motivations until these folks become more conscious. They must consider who else is in the game. Often they don’t even know who the other people are, because they’re so used to focusing attention on themselves. Whenever they impulsively say “Me first!” other people pull away. But because of their natural counseling abilities (a gift given at birth to facilitate their transition from focusing on self to supporting others), people automatically confide in them. As they spend time listening to other people’s problems, they wonder if they are getting their “fair share.” If they’re not, they think they are being used. Then they resentfully push people away.
Everything depends on their motivation in listening to others. Are they doing it to get this person “out of their hair” so they can put the attention back on themselves? Or are they listening with the sincere motivation of wanting to help, not expecting anything in return other than the happiness of knowing they participated in healing the other person?
To win, Libra North Node people need to get in touch with a feeling of internal social harmony that will help them focus on others and stop putting themselves first.
Libra North Node people can be painfully self-conscious and judgmental of what they deem to be their “negative” qualities. This is why they lose power when they focus on the self. All they see are their “unacceptable” qualities, which they focus on hiding. But this process prevents others from getting close to them. Not knowing what these folks are hiding, others don’t trust them and back away. Then Libra North Node people get the feedback that something is wrong with them—which is exactly what they suspected in the first place!
Also, in the process of holding back they are not fully open to receive others and therefore can never fully partner with them. They are afraid to let down their guard, lest others will see who they really are and then harshly judge and reject them. Instead, by focusing on the other person and what they can do to bring out the strength and goodness in that person, Libra North Node’s own self stands open to receive other people.
It is in the best interests of Libra North Node people to stop judging themselves and simply be themselves. If they have some attributes that are not quite “right,” others can give them feedback. After all, they’ve had warrior incarnations—what do they know about the social graces? They can’t expect to know what experience has not taught them. They need the help of those who have lived in society for many lifetimes to learn the rules. By being honest, they can learn how to change and start connecting with people and developing positive relationships. They need to become attuned to the world and to others, instead of themselves. When they focus only on themselves to see what the other person is giving back to them, they see only their own incompleteness and their confidence drops. But when they focus on supporting and healing the other person, they will no longer feel self-conscious. As they put their energy into others, they will receive the approval and energy they need. Indeed, the key to their own self-confidence lies in stimulating the confidence and enthusiasm of others.
Libra North Node people tend to assume they know what is going on with others, so they often bypass communication and go directly to action. This undermines trust in their relationships, yet it is understandable in light of their past-life military experience. They were taught to view the “enemy” (that is, the “other”) from a distance. They observed the enemy’s actions but never interacted with him directly until the battle. Now, in this incarnation, they observe other people from a distance, making assumptions about their identity, behavior patterns, likes and dislikes, and so on. For these folks, the truth is what they see—they assume “truths” about the other person and then act on those “truths.” They don’t listen to the other person. They interpret the other’s actions according to what they would be thinking if they were doing those things.
They can also be judgmental of others for not resolving their situations or reaching their goals as quickly, or in the same way, as a Libra North Node would. If others don’t do it “their way,” these folks might assume: “They’re not doing what I told them. They’re not taking responsibility and dealing with this.” But the other person may be dealing with it in his own way, arid Libra North Node just hasn’t checked in to find out what’s going on.
They also judge others when they observe them hurting themselves. They don’t understand why people do things that go against their own best interests. They can’t figure out why others don’t have the discipline to stay in shape, or finish their projects, or maintain order in their environments. Because Libra North Node people feel that actions speak louder than words, they often underestimate other people’s ability to overcome obstacles, simply because they have not done it yet.
Libra North Node people are learning that everyone has a unique style. They are so single-minded and goal oriented that they project onto others the goals that are important to themselves; then they advise others how to reach those goals by the quickest, most direct route. They become judgmental when other people don’t follow their advice. They fail to take into account that others may have their own agendas and that there are other values besides reaching the goal in the fastest possible way.
In this incarnation, rather than being judgmental or intolerant, these folks need to find their own vulnerability in others. If the other person says she can’t do something, Libra North Node could think back on a situation in his own life when he felt he couldn’t do something; then he will feel more compassion for the other person. In this lifetime, Libra North Node people need to learn to relate successfully to others—to inspire and empower them to win victories in their own lives. But to do this successfully they need to learn to discover the other person’s objectives, values, and style of operation.
Libra North Node people establish their own system of values and assume that everyone else will meet their standards and follow their rules, simply because the rules make sense to Libra North Node. This is a Pandora’s box. Only negative things occur when they are inflexibly attached to “the rules.” When other people don’t play by “the rules” (that is, Libra North Nodes’ rules), Libra North Node people experience disappointment; when others resist “the rules,” Libra North Nodes’ tempers rise. They don’t realize the other person didn’t get a chance to vote—nor was the other person notified of what “the rules” are.
Sometimes when Libra North Node people think others are being unfair, it’s because others aren’t following the invisible rules. However, their sense of fairness is essentially selfish because it is based only on their own rules. Libra North Node people must become aware that there are other rules. Their own rules are no more sacred than anyone else’s.
In all fairness to these folks, the problem with rules isn’t their fault. Subconsciously they are still in the military, where everyone is highly disciplined and follows clearly understood regulations, protocols, and behavior. The good thing about the military, from Libra North Nodes’ point of view, is that it’s not personal. They’re not stepping on the other person’s toes when they say what to do—they’re just giving orders! If the other person doesn’t cooperate, they feel: “Well—you’re not being a team player.”
Everyone has rules: standards, ideas, and values. Most people are aware of their ideas as “ideas”—not as absolutes. But for Libra North Node people, their rules are the constitution they live by—“the law.” Other people can have their own standards and ideas but still be open to others’ views. Libra North Node people often can’t see any view except their own.
An example of how hurtful this can be is the story of a client whose father was a Libra North Node. On her wedding day, he felt that his father (the client’s grandfather) should walk her down the aisle. Because of childhood abuses, my client hated her grandfather. But her father cared more about “the rules” than his own daughter, and he insisted that the grandfather walk her down the aisle “out of respect.” Those were “the rules”—there was no discussion. His past-life military programming was allowed to run roughshod over the feelings of his own daughter, even on her wedding day.
Libra North Node people must sit down with their friends and partners to work out rules that both parties accept. Only when the rules are mutually accepted can these folks expect others to live by them. Also, how the others respond when the Libra North Node people share their rules will reveal a lot about the relationship—and whether it is appropriate.
By discovering the others’ standards and rules, Libra North Node people can expand their own value systems. In fact, their ability to develop a sense of inner freedom depends on this. When there are mutually accepted rules in a relationship, the resulting unit will be powerful, efficient, and personally rewarding. And the relationship will be based on a foundation that lends permanence.
Because Libra North Node people are so tied up in their own identities, they may be unaware of who they are actually dealing with in relationships. They project their own identity onto the other person and then try to relate to that person—which, strangely enough, doesn’t work!
When people don’t turn out to be the way these folks think they are, it surprises them. They picture the other person’s role, and when the partner doesn’t play it, they become upset. They think the other person is not being “fair” with them (that is, the other isn’t being true to the role). Once again, they are relating to others in terms of their own past-life military experience, where everyone was considered an object and judged in terms of how well they fulfilled their function.
These folks have difficulty seeing the other person outside of the role they have projected. For example, I had a client with this nodal position who discovered, after twenty-three years of marriage, that her husband had sexually molested their daughter for several years. She had absolutely no idea it had been going on until her daughter went into therapy. There can be many reasons for this kind of “not knowing”; but in the case of Libra North Node people, they never did see who the other person really was.
As a by-product of projecting their identity onto others, they expect others to be as strong as they are, as generous, as confident, as disciplined—and they feel cheated when the partner doesn’t exhibit these characteristics. They need to step into the other person’s shoes. In this way, they can discover the levels of strength, generosity, confidence, and discipline inherent in the other person, and thus have more realistic expectations. Also, they will discover certain positive qualities (ones that the Libra North Node person doesn’t have) that the other person brings to the relationship. They are learning that we all have different identities, and therein lies the capacity for growth in unexpected and rewarding directions.
Libra North Node people are hungry for approval and want to be included in the other person’s energy field. They feel relaxed and happy when others “feed” them love. This is a valid need: In this incarnation, love from others will give them the spiritual balance they require.
The problem is the methods they use to get others’ attention and energy. To this end they may get caught up in competition, overachievement, and taking the initiative without consulting others. They show off, trying to look good to attract the attention and loving energy they so desperately need. Because they hunger for the spotlight, when other people are talking these folks will often say something about themselves so that the attention comes back to them. They aren’t really tuned in to the other person—only to their own need for love and approval. These needs can also cause Libra North Nodes to be competitive in situations where cooperation would work more to their advantage.
The resolution lies in shifting their focus from making themselves look good, to making the other person feel good. When these folks tune in and take their partners’ feelings into account, they will know how to further joint goals in ways the partners can accept. If Libra North Node people help those around them to be happy, they will automatically feel the good vibrations. They don’t have to “extract” this energy from others; acceptance, love, and approval will automatically flow to them. It’s part of the natural process of being sensitive and doing what they can to make others happy. The energy these folks need is the energy they will feel when they validate others for just being themselves.
CONFIDENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
These folks can lack confidence in relationships owing to lack of experience in partnership and sharing in past lives. Also, they tend to undermine their own self-confidence by focusing so much energy on self. For example, if there’s a misunderstanding in a relationship, rather than checking in to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling, Libra North Nodes’ tendency is to immediately focus on themselves—either their own hurt feelings or what they did wrong. They never look beyond their own mindset to determine what’s going on with the other person, and this erodes their confidence in the relationship. They may assume that the other person doesn’t like something about them, and they end up feeling “unacceptable.” Or they may make a harsh judgment against their partner, which leads them to think there are very few people they can connect with in the world.
Libra North Node people actually have a lot of confidence, but they aren’t in touch with it on a social level until they begin to share it. By focusing on how they can help others feel more confident, they feel more confidence as well. The ability to “do” relationships is actually an incredible talent for these people, but they don’t know they have it. They become discouraged when relationships don’t seem to work out. What they want is not incorrect, it’s just that their methods are “off.” The part of them that knows how to “do” relationships is like an interior room where they have remarkable tools for creating successful relationships—but they have to remember to open the door!
These folks are real “people promoters.” For example, Johnny may have just invented a device that takes all the pollution from exhaust emissions out of the air—but he’s not doing anything with it. Others may say: “Johnny, you should sell your invention! Think of the money you’ll make—think how you’ll help the environment!” But Johnny has a million excuses for procrastinating: “Well, it’s really not good enough yet.” Then a Libra North Node person comes along, says a few words to Johnny, and something about the way he says it causes Johnny to put things in motion.
These folks have a tremendous ability to empower others to be warriors—to give them the confidence and energy that send them on their way. But they fear that others will become dependent on them. They don’t want others to drain their energy, their ideas, or their life force. In fact, the other person will give back to them—but then they have the challenge of accepting the gifts that others give. This requires humility and acknowledgment that Libra North Nodes are not totally self-sufficient. It’s part of learning to give and to receive—to be part of a team.
SHARING AND SELFLESSNESS
Sharing is important for Libra North Node people. They’ve had many past lifetimes of isolation and missing the joys of having a mate. In this lifetime, their desire to have a mate is enormous; it needs to be honored for them to feel complete and nurtured emotionally. An unselfish love, with no thought of personal reward, is the key to actualizing the closeness and rapport that will fill their hearts. They need to give simply for the sake of sharing their wealth and bringing support and joy to their partner. Then, as the other person gains strength, his or her happiness will in turn permeate and satisfy the Libra North Node person.
These folks have a tremendous love of life, and in this incarnation they are learning to expand it by including others. They need to take the other person into account, discover the other’s limits, and then go out and share experiences. They need to remember that sharing experiences with that one special person is more nurturing than reaching their own goals.
Libra North Node people are learning the art of selflessness: putting their feelings aside for the sake of supporting someone else. When they give to another with no thought of return, they become a channel for giving. The universe gives more to them, because they are actively passing on the energy. As they selflessly give to other people, they clear the way for their partners—and for life itself—to give back to them. There is no need to keep a ledger for “fairness” in giving and receiving; when Libra North Node people give to others, they are truly giving to themselves.
ACCEPTANCE AND SELF-PROTECTION
Owing to so many past incarnations as warriors, these folks have developed a trait of inaccessibility. They are very selective about the image they project, and if people see them differently, they become upset. They try to control how people see them: “How could they say that about me? That’s not how I see myself!” This defensiveness makes it tough for other people to relate to them.
Libra North Node people may indulge in unexpected behavior, because they don’t want others to be able to figure them out. It’s a tactical maneuver. Fearing that people won’t find them interesting, they resist being completely “known.” Also, this nodal group regards all the other groups as the same, and they don’t want to be like everyone else. They’re afraid that exposing their emotions and checking in with people will make them like everyone else—and they won’t be different and exciting anymore.
INDEPENDENCE VERSUS INTERDEPENDENCE
The warrior in Libra North Node people wants to have sharp wits, independence, and no emotional ties so that it can move on at will. In their psyches, the muscle of independence has been over exercised in past lives and now can rear its ugly head at the most inappropriate times and ruin relationships that might have been nurturing.
It can be somewhat unnerving for Libra North Node people to check in with others and support them. They are afraid that if they give to someone they’ll start to feel responsible for that person, which goes against their “on the road” warrior mentality. Subconsciously, they don’t want to be tied down.
These folks need to keep in mind that this is a people lifetime. Their best rewards will come through interdependence, not self-isolating independence. They’ve already experienced extreme independence; to rewalk that path will only result in missing the deep connection with others that they crave. When they do step past their fears and support another, they create a bond with that person and receive the appreciation and validation that they so desperately need. In supporting someone with no motive except genuine caring, their loneliness is healed.
When Libra North Node people support others, they automatically empower people. So, in reality, they are not creating dependency but are helping others achieve a higher level of self-sufficiency. However, sometimes they become resentful, thinking: “Why aren’t other people already as independent as I am? If everybody were like me, the world would be a fine place!” They don’t mean to be vain, but past-life habits are strong, and the discipline of the warrior is a mindset that is difficult to break.
These folks have been isolated from society and the peaceful satisfaction of nurturing relationships for so many incarnations that it’s frightening for them to even consider taking the plunge and joining in. But it’s not that they don’t know how. Once they make up their minds, these folks can accomplish anything. In fact, once they get into it, they’ll find they have a talent for creating successful relationships. But first they must make the conscious decision that interdependence is a higher road than isolation.
Libra North Node people are tired of war; in this lifetime, they want to experience peaceful relationships. Nonetheless, they have intense relationships that are highly emotional, and their lack of communication can promote that intensity. But they are ready to move on to the next level—a place of more caring, more interdependence, and more compassion. They need to choose peace, hang up their shield, and participate in relationships in which they can be vulnerable.
In this lifetime, Libra North Node people are learning patience. There are other people on the planet, and Libra North Nodes’ lives will unfold most happily when they take the time to include others in their plans. Temper tantrums are a symptom of their impatience. Often, if they don’t get their way immediately they’ll leave, when it’s exactly the situation that would have made them most happy.
These folks have an excess of impulsive energy. In past lives, their rashness was seen as courage that resulted in success and self-glorification—they were heroes! However, “heroism” also created a sense of superiority and isolation from others. In this life, impulsive tendencies lead to defeat rather than victory. When Libra North Node people act on their impulses, they may trample other people’s feelings in the pursuit of their own desires and seriously injure the goodwill others have for them.
Because of their impulsiveness, Libra North Node people need to nurture their patience and understand that a certain process of events needs to happen for their plans to be realized. They are often so directed and want things so intensely that the process seems agonizingly slow. They’re running at high speed—but there’s no war to fight anymore, and slowing themselves down and thinking things through is necessary for true fulfillment in this lifetime.
Because of their impulsiveness, these folks, may not fully understand why they want something. If they could be patient, they would see the bigger picture. Then they could explain it to the other person involved, and a lot of problems would dissolve. The other person would be given the opportunity to cooperate and understand.
SENSITIVITY AND CONSIDERATION
Libra North Node people are very sensitive—in an insensitive way. They feel things very deeply themselves, but they can be shallow when it comes to understanding other people’s feelings. They experience hurt on a very deep level. Because of these intense feelings, they think they have a wonderful understanding of everyone else. But the process fails to take other people’s idiosyncrasies into account or acknowledge that Libra North Nodes’ actions may affect another person in a negative way. This is behind much of the misunderstanding in their relationships. Libra North Nodes need to actively search for that deeper level in their connections with others.
Tuning in to another person means temporarily leaving oneself. It’s like listening to the radio: To clearly hear the music, you have to stop humming the song in your own head. In the same way, these folks should leave their own mindset and tune in to others’ melodies. After they “hear” the feelings and perceptions of the other, they can determine whether they can harmonize with the melody of that person.
These folks have to remind themselves to be aware of other people’s needs and feelings. For example, if two friends are walking down the street and one is burdened with packages and the other is carrying nothing, likely the friend carrying nothing is a Libra North Node—no one else would be so unaware of the other person. Things that seem obvious to everyone else simply do not occur to these people. They don’t mean to be hurtful; they are just unaware of the damaging effects their self-preoccupation has on others. In this life, if they want the joys of successful, happy relationships, they must consciously cultivate selflessness and an awareness of others’ needs and feelings.
THE WARRIOR LIFESTYLE … IT’S JUST ME!
Because of their past lifetimes in military environments, Libra North Node people lack experience in personal relationships. In a military setting, relationships are governed by protocol and firm, objective regulations that are understood by everyone. When it comes to relating outside of a strict set of codes, these folks don’t know how to do it. The simplest things about relationships—sharing, mutual helpfulness, and interrelatedness—that come so naturally to all the other nodal groups are totally new areas of discovery for Libra North Node people. When they make mistakes in their relationships it is not intentional or malicious, but rather owing to a habit of following “the rules” instead of relating to people.
Another problem is that warriors don’t usually stay in town to build a family—they move on to fight the next battle. These folks can be classic “one-night stand” people, making a conquest and then moving on to the next person. For them, love and sex can be competitive. They love the game of romance. Once they succeed (and the other person has been “captured”), they need to face the next challenge. It’s all they know. Yet, as a lifestyle, this tendency for quick, superficial relationships leaves them feeling peculiarly empty.
The irony is that when Libra North Node people understand how relationships work, they can be masters at it. They have superior (latent) talents for sensitivity and diplomacy, once they understand how to access and apply them. Because their life purpose is to balance past lives through partnering with others, they will always have an abundance of people attracted to them.
Some of these folks are afraid to love anyone because they aren’t accustomed to exchanging love. In this life, their early attempts may fail because they haven’t learned how to exchange love. They close themselves off emotionally in response. However, they are learning that some people will love them for their innate individual spirit, and some will not. People are different, after all. It is not only how these people present themselves that determines how others respond to them, but also the nature of the other person. Therefore, they need to be open and let others see who they are. Then they can feel safe by knowing who loves them for who they really are, and be cautious (in terms of giving 100 percent of themselves) with those who do not accept them.
DISCRIMINATION… YOU MEAN THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE?
These people want a partner with whom they can share the joys of life on an equal basis, who will reciprocate by feeding them appreciation. But for this energy to come back to them, they must choose the right partner. Part of a successful relationship involves discrimination—seeing who the potential partner really is and not simply how that person fills the Libra North Node’s needs.
Sometimes their tendency to project aspects of their own identity onto other people is so strong that others feel uneasy around them. Libra North Nodes feel that they won’t be understood or accommodated anyway, so what’s the use? This problem can rob these folks of true intimacy. An example is a client whose mother was a Libra North Node person. When this client was promoted and began buying expensive suits appropriate to her new management position, she knew her mother would object to the expense. Because she didn’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable, she hid the clothes in the hall closet until she had the privacy to transfer them to her room. This robbed both her and her mother of the fun of looking at the new purchases together, which could have brought them closer.
Another way these folks misjudge relationships is by focusing only on the qualities about the other person that they like. They may not like all aspects of the other person, and they may block out the less appealing qualities, thereby overlooking what is actually going on.
The first step for Libra North Node people is to be willing to learn about the other person. Does this person have goals and ideals similar to their own? Does the person have aims that they feel they can support? Is the other person a giver or a taker? What are the other person’s values? What kind of identity do they want to build? Libra North Node people must have the humility to be genuinely curious about the identity of the other person and not project their own ideas onto them. To understand another’s values, one must ask, put one’s own identity aside, and allow awareness of the other to temporarily engulf oneself.
Generally it works better when the Libra North Node asks the other person questions first and then states his or her position. The tendency is to say immediately: “Well, I would like to have a marriage where there are no children and both partners work and make lots of money. What would you like?” If the other person wants to please, he or she will give a response that can be interpreted as supportive of the Libra North Node’s position.
But this is how these folks get into trouble. Their identity carries so much strength that the other person may sidestep a direct confrontation because it could put an end to the connection. Others will generally yield, either by understating the importance of their own position or by “going along” with what the Libra North Node person wants.
I had a Libra North Node client whose experience illustrates this problem very well. In his second marriage he was tremendously in love with his wife, who was twelve years his junior. He had one child from his first marriage, and he and his second wife had agreed that they would not have children. This was his idea, but she talked herself into it because she loved him so much. Once the agreement had been reached (which he considered to be “mutual”), he had a vasectomy. The marriage seemed “on track” for the first four years, and he was very happy. Then came the traumatic weekend when she asked for a divorce because she wanted children. The marriage was filling his needs, but not hers. He was traumatized, and it took him years to recover emotionally from the experience. Disappointment for both parties could have been avoided if my client had taken the time to truly ascertain his partner’s desires. Then he could have decided if he loved her enough to compromise his original preference in order to satisfy her need for a child.
Libra North Node people should trust their own internal sense of happiness in choosing a partner. They will not be able to rely on logic, but they can trust their feelings of love and attraction to be an accurate guide. Once they identify an appropriate partner and enter a relationship, the challenge for these folks is to be vigilant regarding their partner’s changing needs. When they cultivate the habit of checking in and keeping in touch, they engender such loving feelings in their partners that the results are overwhelmingly abundant.
EXPECTATIONS … AND THEY’RE SEPARATE FROM ME?
These folks often are disappointed in relationships because they create expectations without accurately assessing the needs, ideas, preferences, or timing of the other person. They think it’s up to them to reach the “goal” through their own efforts. In relationships, they seek relevant facts that will help them reach their goal with that person. Then they pull back and plan their strategy, based on what they believe are the partner’s characteristics, needs, and desires. The only problem is, they never ask for the other person’s input!
Libra North Node people often presume to know the “character trait” behind someone’s behavior. But when they are wrong, it leads to painful misunderstandings on both sides. They can also become very angry because they think others don’t appreciate who they are. They expect the partner to see how their talents could add to and better the other person’s life. Sometimes they become arrogant, downplaying the other person’s intelligence because the partner does not seem aware of how much they have to give. They become angry and erect a wall of judgmental thinking that keeps others away.
These folks need to expand their perspective to gain a more objective viewpoint through communication. Often, when they feel that others don’t appreciate them, they haven’t clearly understood the other person’s concerns. To avoid feeling isolated and betrayed, they should ask the other person to define himself or herself from his or her own point of view; this will help Libra North Nodes gain an accurate understanding and far more realistic expectations.
LACK OF AWARENESS … AND I HAVE TO TAKE THEM INTO ACCOUNT?
These folks can appear to be very inconsiderate. They don’t take the other person’s reactions, desires, or needs into account when making decisions. They act without getting any feedback from the other person.
For example, I had a client whose husband had this nodal position. When they went on vacation, he would spend the entire time sight-seeing and exploring. My client would protest that she wanted some relaxation as well. When they returned home, however, she would excitedly tell their friends about all the different things they had seen. From her behavior, her husband assumed that by doing what he wanted, she was also enjoying herself. He didn’t take her protests seriously because he knew “how good it was for her.” The Libra North Node often assumes that he knows what will strengthen the other person, regardless of the feedback the other person gives him.
The irony is that often these folks do know what the other person will enjoy, but they need to temper that knowledge with feedback. In the above example, it would mean listening to the wife’s protests and asking questions to determine her anxieties. Once the husband was aware of her concerns, he could work out a plan that encompassed her expressed needs, and he would be rewarded with her appreciation of his leadership. This is how teamwork works best for these folks.
TIMING … AND THEY HAVE NEEDS?
In the matter of giving, Libra North Node people must pay more attention to their partner’s timing. When the partner expresses a need, that is the time for them to give. They should put everything else on hold and listen to what the partner needs at that time. If they wait until they feel ready to initiate giving, the opportunity will have passed them by.
For example, the partner might ask for help with a project. The Libra North Node person might say: “Oh, come on now. You can do it by yourself.” He doesn’t want to divert his energy and get distracted by his partner’s problem. This instinctive selfishness can have a subtle but destructive effect on the relationship. Libra North Node people can’t have the benefits of partnership without the reciprocity of giving. When they find someone they want to be with, they need to take the cue on “timing” from the partner if this is a person they don’t want to lose. This is a relationship lifetime; when they put their primary relationship first, everyone wins.
FEAR OF EMOTIONAL EMBARRASSMENT
As much as Libra North Node people want and need a partner in this incarnation, some part of them is terrified. They are afraid of embarrassment—but they need that special relationship with another person so badly that they simply must risk it. One of their fears is of “being stuck”—making a poor choice and not being able to get out of it. They are such perfectionists that they want their primary partnership to be perfect, too. If they choose the wrong person and it doesn’t work out, then they will have to admit that they are having problems. What they’re really saying is: “I don’t want a relationship because I don’t want to look as foolish as others look to me if it doesn’t go well.”
Because “looking good” is so important to these folks, it’s also important that their mate “looks good.” If they find some quality in their partner less than compelling, they’ll want the partner to change and may start to nag the other person. This never works when the Libra North Node person’s motive is to “look good” to others by having an attractive mate. Once again, the motive is self. However, if the partner also wants to change, and if Libra North Node is willing to give support and help, both people can win.
Until they lend their strength and discipline to help the other person overcome the limitation, often the partner’s condition will worsen. For example, if a Libra North Node person notices that her partner has gained weight and seems unhappy, the first thing she should do is check in with the partner to determine what he wants. She could say something like: “I’ve noticed that you’re concerned about your weight, and I’ve noticed that you continue to overeat. Are you upset about something? I’d like to know what’s going on with you, and if there’s anything I can do to help.” In the process of caring and seeking to understand the other person, she can learn how to help him overcome his problem. These folks are learning to care about the relationship more than they care about their image.
Libra North Node people don’t understand why others put up with being treated badly. They don’t understand how much someone can love another, and they fear passion and bonding. They are afraid that if they truly love someone, it may lead them to a place that isn’t good for them. They must trust their hearts and believe that in alliance with the other person, they can develop a healthy relationship. In this incarnation they can discover the joys of extending the love they feel for themselves to include another person.
FEAR OF CO-DEPENDENCY
These folks are terrified of “co-dependent relationships.” The irony is that because they want to be on the receiving end all the time, they naturally become dependent on the partner’s giving. But the partner cannot also become dependent, because he or she is not getting anything back from Libra North Node. When the partner leaves (physically or emotionally), these folks are devastated and can’t figure out why the relationship didn’t work.
If these folks want true independence in a relationship, they should always try to give more than they receive. Then they will be the “strong” one and can experience the joys of being vulnerable and interdependent with another person without the threat of abandonment. It’s very important that they make a conscious effort to be helpful and giving in their close partnerships. They often hold back from giving fully lest they lose their identity. But not to worry—their identity is so firm, it’s not going anywhere!
Libra North Node people need to be careful about using their need for independence as a defense against participating in their relationships. Their demands for independence are often poorly timed and appear abrupt, abrasive, and alienating. This causes their partners to think the Libra North Node people don’t care about them, and that both parties aren’t looking out for each other. Naturally, the other person doesn’t want to be the only vulnerable one in the relationship, and so begins to detach emotionally. This need for time alone can be absolutely disastrous in intimate relationships. If it is not handled properly, the people closest to these folks feel unloved, unappreciated, unprotected, and without the “special mutual awareness” that makes going through the challenges of a long-term relationship worthwhile.
Libra North Node people are so used to being independent and secretive that when others start to really see them, they become embarrassed. They fear that being vulnerable to another person will make them weak. They want to be independent all the time and they want a relationship—and the two don’t go together! When they’re leading, the focus is on them and they feel good. But when someone else is in charge, it can be embarrassing because they don’t understand their role. They need to recognize that usually others will allow them to lead if they’ll just take the time to check in and communicate. Others do not necessarily want to be in charge; they just don’t want to be told what to do without their feelings being taken into account.
Libra North Node people place a high premium on independence, but in all fairness they support their partners in being independent as well. They think: “It’s fair if everybody follows the rules.” But as their priorities change, their rules change and they expect everyone to follow along. They’re so used to being leaders in past incarnations that they think their job in this lifetime is to lead. In fact, their job now is to help others grow into positions of leadership.
FEAR OF COMPROMISE AND CHANGE
Compromise is an essential part of a happy relationship. Only by recognizing and acknowledging the other person’s needs, as well as one’s own, can a win/win situation be created. When Libra North Node people operate from a vacuum, considering only their own desires, they create a win/lose situation in relationships. Eventually, the person who is “losing” wanders off to find someone who will play more fairly. The first thing Libra North Node must do is acknowledge the individuality of the partner and understand that person’s needs and insecurities.
However, sometimes these folks don’t want to compromise. They don’t want to take the time to establish a clear understanding with the other person. They may fear that if they are aware of the other person’s position, they’ll have to sacrifice their own. However, by refusing to acknowledge the need for compromise, they negate the importance of the other person and, once again, sow the seeds for ending up alone. Sensitivity to the other person is essential. When the partner voices an insecurity, that is the time to stop everything and do whatever it takes to re-establish rapport.
GIVING FROM THE HEART VERSUS KEEPING SCORE
Libra North Node people tend to have a “tit-for-tat” consciousness. They want everything to be equal, and they want their partner to share in the sacrifices they have to make. For instance, if they have to get up at 5:00 A.M., they want the other person up with them. Rather than recognizing his partner’s need for sleep and caring that the other person is balanced within herself, the Libra North Node wants her up (making breakfast or doing something to help) so that she is balanced with him. But true balance is each partner supporting the other 100 percent in being balanced and happy within themselves. Happiness in the relationship will be a natural byproduct. The relationship will thrive if the Libra North Node stops checking to see that he’s getting his “fair share” at every moment.
When they do give, these folks should do it without “tooting their horn.” They have a tendency to take note of exactly how much they are giving and then expect exactly the same amount of energy in return. At the very least, they expect recognition and profuse thanks from the other person; if it isn’t forthcoming, they remind their partner of how much they’ve done. Of course, by demanding recognition, Libra North Node people have taken the gift back and turned it into a trade—warrior style! The secret of giving is that it creates an opening to receive. Others will always give back more than these folks can imagine if their giving is pure, with no expectation of return. If they focus their energy on the other person, their partner’s resulting happiness will fill their hearts and make them happy as well.
These people want to experience the joy of having a partner to interact